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    • #18159

      It’s hard for me to write directly so I will try here.

      Intention: I want to meditate on correct perception while interacting with my wife and all beings to reduce patigha(it’s for sure not dosa from my comprehension) and eventually…come to the realization (whatever that may be) that eliminates the root of patigha altogether.

      Context: I’ve have some success in my practice these 15 years, I grew up in a house of yogis and i’ve been in various anariya jhanas(unrefined) since I was about 5. I’ve recently hit some kind of stage during a recent vipassana in hawaii (under goenkaji). The extreme “cooling down” feeling has faded but I am no longer the same person.

      I recently got married as a foolish gesture to help a fellow spiritual aspirant that wanted to stay in the country, 1 year ago. While living with her the past 6 months I had gotten increasingly angry with her. I felt this and that, she does this, i’m being manipulated, I don’t like this, so and so. Eventually I was not able to hold back any of “concrete perceptions” and very frequently let out my emotional triggers in the form of harsh speech, sarcasm, and hateful energy…not ever “ill-will” but kind of very strong annoyance/aggression. Because she is a psychic for a living she feels all of this energy and more. A lot of my feelings were triggered due to (subtle or minor) akusala in her but of course that’s not the point.

      So now here I am, I “broke her heart”. Since our last episode we have “taken space” with each other. It’s feels good, I am able to think clearly.

      Current Mental Space/Thoughts:
      Venerable Walasmulle Thero and the absolution movement of sri-lanka describe “emptiness” with the example of the 3 children and mother. Child A, B, C are hateful/Loving/neutral respectively and the mother herself when all things considered is EMPTY of whatever inherent quality child a, b, c reacts with when the perceive “mother” through their 5/6 senses. Right? This isn’t much different from the “emptiness” teachings of the tibetans…

      The thing is, i’m ignorant so I don’t see this. Sanskrit “avijja” has actually been translated to “undifferentiated consciousness”. Since we know consciousness means citta and we now really (can) understand citta due to Lal, ven. waharaka’s, and Buddha’s Grace; i’ve determined that what is “undifferentiated” is the citta with whatever it’s object is. So since citta is first connected to the sense organs it attaches to those and the rest of the processing through the spine and body and that “attachment” creates maybe the ego. On and on with all the objects. Anyway this is a working definition for context.

      So I am ignorant in these scenarios meaning I am generated repugnance at some energy, or some thing related to some person(ex: wife); because my gathi is patterned such that the citta-vritti running while i’m perceiving “wife” and those things related to wife are being processed and returning with patigha and other defiled cetasika…from my gandabhaya or the energy around it i’m assuming?

      So I don’t understand that my wife is actually empty of anything, and it’s my own perceptions of things/objects that are triggering MY OWN ugly cetasika and citta? Right?

      Meditation: I have enough practice to be aware and catch my subconscious motions. Being aware isn’t enough for me now I need more. I want a bhavana meditation that will not only allow me to stop anusaya of asavas from happening, but also dissolve those asavas altogether…that is correct my perception and ignorance?

      I currently have a prayer I say every morning to attempt to correct my meditationo. It includes what a nama-rupa is, beginningless bhava sansara, the “pain-body” that is what suffering is and why all sentient beings besides Arya Beings/yogis have it, generating compassion, etc etc.

      I’m looking for an active bhavana for when i’m in the energy of another person, something I can do 24/7. I’m currently attempting to do brahma viharas with tweaks that include the various nibbana stages.

    • #18161

      Welcome to the forum, lodonyo!

      I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you two will find a solution.

      Regarding your comment, “Venerable Walasmulle Thero and the absolution movement of sri-lanka describe “emptiness” with the example of the 3 children and mother. Child A, B, C ..”: If you post a link to that audio or video, I can take a look.
      – Normally, Ven. Abhaya is very good in explaining concepts. It is likely that you misunderstood. Can you understand Sinhala? Ven. Abhaya explains mostly in Sinhala.

      Regarding meditation, you said: ” I have enough practice to be aware and catch my subconscious motions.”
      One is not aware of subconscious or even initial mano sankhara when they first arise. Only when one starts generating vaci sankhara (talking to oneself), that one becomes aware of the thoughts and that is when one CAN stop any bad thoughts; see, “Correct Meaning of Vacī Sankhāra“.

      The best way to improve meditation is to first understand the goals: “Bhāvanā (Meditation)“.
      I do not know anything about your meditation experience. If you can read a few of the posts in that section and comment, may be we can make some suggestions.

    • #18179

      Regarding Walasmulle:
      yes I do not have an onus to speak with authority so I simply expressing knowing I am mostly ignorant.

      Here is the video in which he explains using amma as the (empty) object, translated as “neutral”. Simply the idea that my vedana of amma(or my wife in this case) is not coming from, it is in within me. But I am ignorant of this way of perceiving and I wish to change that.

      Regarding subconscious: “Only when one starts generating vaci sankhara (talking to oneself), that one becomes aware of the thoughts and that is when one CAN stop any bad thoughts”. Ok, yes I hear you. My experience is (if i’ve been meditating) sensing a negative “feeling” arise with some kind of “logic” or “reason”. So sense trigger —> awareness of some shift in the form of a changed perception —> some kind of “logic” or reasoning that has no words activates —> images and thoughts in english arise. It’s hard to relate these things and maybe not that useful but this is my experience.

      I will re-read vaci-sankhara article it is good. Also thank you for your research in researching the correct meaning of what Lord Buddha was pointing too.

      Regarding Meditation: Thank you for your console, truly I appreciate it.

      “We need to understand that Buddha Dhamma is not about JUST LEARNING concepts (even though learning plays a big part), it is all about using what is learned for purifying the mind.” from ‘Are You Not Getting Expected Results from Meditation?’

      I think my entire post here is asking for a suggestion to “use what is learned and purify” ‘my’ mind. I do not want to hurt people due to my anusaya, my outbursts of anger, controlling behavior etc. It’s that simple.

      I will read your section on bhavana more and divine an answer. I will likely make a separate post later to further clarify purification of mind but I think this at least makes it clear what I want to do and that’s more than I started with.

      Love, Joy, Bliss, Freedom

    • #18186

      I watched 30 minutes of the video.

      As one can see, Ven. Abhya’s English is not that good. However, he was an Engineer in Sri Lanka, and was married with a teenage girl, when I met him about 4 years ago in Sri Lanka. He made sure that there was enough money to sustain the family, and became a bhikkhu about 2-3 years ago. I believe he is an Ariya (with magga phala), but do not know which stage.

      Did you understand what he was trying to convey in the first 30 minutes? For example, boys like action movies with violence. But girls normally don’t like that type of movies and those movies that girls like are too boring for most boys.
      – So, can happiness be in a movie? If so, everyone should be happy to see it.
      – It appears that this desana was done in a Western country for the benefit of the children of Sri Lankans there, who did not understand Sinhala. Normally, Ven. Abhaya’s desanas are in Sinhala.

      Pleasures are made up by the mind, and are based on two main factors: One’s gati (character/habits) and the sense object.
      – I recently explained this in the posts, “Amazingly Fast Time Evolution of a Thought (Citta)” and “Do I Have “A Mind” That Is Fixed and “Mine”?”
      – Please read those posts and then watch the video again to see whether you can understand what he was trying to say.
      – I do not have time to watch the whole video. If the example about the “mother” is still not clear, please let me know about what time it comes in the video. I can watch that part and see.

      I encourage others to watch the above video too.
      Different people may explain the same thing in different ways. So, it is good to listen to different people (of course it is a waste of time to listen to those who do not have a good knowledge of Dhamma).
      – We also see in this forum cases where some people understand a concept when it was described by another person in the forum, better than the way it was described by me.
      – That is part of the benefit of having a discussion forum.

      It may also be worthwhile to read the experience of Tien in the following discussion:
      How can I achieve Anatta Sanna and get rid of Kama Raga via Metta
      – Meditation does not necessarily mean formal meditation with chanting. It is more about contemplating, as clearly seen by the experience of Tien.
      – Just learning concepts by reading or listening is not enough, even though it is critically important to understand key concepts.

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