[Tobi M]

I am learning a lot here. In the West, people use to say that the “thoughts are free”, you can judge a man only for his bad deeds and verbal violence. So I am trying to get a new point of view on that.

My mind is definitely not well trained. So one day it is Dosa arising in the meditation, next time it could be Lobha. I am at least at the stage already where I would not commit immoral deeds for getting my desires fulfilled or to punish someone. Because I see already how futile all these mind activities are. I have some sort of insight into ANICCA. I like the sentence: The perception of a potential enjoyment lays the foundation for future suffering. So true.

Thank you for your support, I will keep on practicing.

Tobi

[Tobi M]

Hello Lal,

thank you for your answer! I have tapped a bit deeper into meditation, up to two hours daily.
I proceed lightly, w/o any extreme concentrated form. My only goal is to sit still for the whole time and not to drift unconsciously into thoughts.

I realize to my own surprise that my deeper emotions are full of DOSA. Sometimes in the milder version of dislike/aversion, sometimes even deep hatred or scorn. It has a lot to do with my past, images of parents and other family members appear, how they treated me etc…

As a result of these thoughts, I find it almost impossible to live a “good” life. I am quite sure that I do not commit any major infractions but on the other hand, I do not feel the incentive to do good deeds either! What can I do?
I find it helpful to use METTA during meditation. Also to focus on the difference between past and reality. This works for the time on the mat. But I still see that these emotions keep me away from really participating in life.

Best
Tobi

[Tobi M]

Hello Lal,

thank you for further advice. Bit by bit, I will be reading all those articles (and many more).

I would like to ask two questions right now:

1. You speak quite often about the urgency to “remove” thoughts, especially when they are immoral. I understand by immoral that they are full of strong negative emotions. But how do we exactly remove or stop a thought?
In other forms of meditations I have encountered so far, they speak about “letting pass them by” (just like clouds at the sky). Is it an important distinction not to merely be the passive observer of thoughts, but to actively remove them? Or are both fine and interchangeable?

2. What about fearful thoughts / worries / sorrows: Since they do not harm anyone (unless myself), are they also considered to be immoral? How to proceed with them?

Many thanks for your answer,
Tobi

[Tobi M]

Dear Lal,

I am really glad I found your website. I am quite new to meditation and want to learn more. Your articles are very rich, full of details, and I also try to learn some Pali words to make the understanding easier.

The reason why I am trying to get deeper into meditation is that I got a place for a 10d “Vipassana Retreat” in July which I have never done before. I am aware of the differences between Goenka Vipassana and the Dhamma you describe here: I have already read some of the corresponding forum entries. But I still believe that this retreat can help me become more focused and concentrated to continue on that path. I am quite sure though that I do not want to end up with breathing mediations, because I want to look deeper….

To make it practical I have started to experiment with the meditation you described here:

8. The Basic Formal Anāpānasati Meditation

Do I find some more introductions on the blog?

With gratitude for your work

Tobi (from Berlin, Germany)

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