[lodonyo]

The essence of this post is this: I am confused about how to live and as of this post attempting to navigate my attention to places of truth to manifest some life principles for myself.

I am under the assumption that these principles, even if I only find one, come from “within”. I’ve read it, experienced in before my buddhist awakening, etc.

Given the above I am struggling to create a mind and a life where I simply bring my mind to a cooled down state, not even fantasizing about getting to 1st jhana. I am having a lot of obstacles living in Oregon, US and dealing with worldly concerns. In tibet buddhism, maybe we would pray to medicine guru or some deity to remove obstacles but I find myself needing to rely more and more on the hela dhamma.

Context:
The main worldly concerns are my recent inability to “find purpose” in the capitalistic sense, or basically find something “to do”, a busy-ness a job a work, as a service in the world. There is debt and other things, but mostly my anxiety stems around the model of identifying with a person who does something well and gets paid for it?

Part of my obstacles to the above worldly concern seem to be a cognition “switch” that was flipped after my most recent retreat 2 years ago which seems quite permanent. I no longer have the same fervent genuine “interest” in this world at all, and in fact that person who I was is basically dead with zombie-like behavior patterns that linger on…(gathi?). My recent karma has led me into a house-holder life and it’s extremely painful to try to motivate myself to live this life with this kind of ascetic cognition?

What I Gno:
1. Every day my waking consciousness activates, I only have a certain amount of “energy” to experience life. Is this Citta or Qi?

This human life, and sequences of lives in the bhava, is extremely rare so IDEALLY I should not be wasting that finite “day-energy” as I could die any day I have no clue even as an astrologer ;p

Every thought, every logic or way-of-thinking, and every physical action creates energetic seeds for more of the same experience/thing/happening as stated in pati-icca samu-upada
3a. As such, tendencies as shown in astrology bhavas/houses for sexual cravings, harsh speech, relying on other peoples’ wealth, esoteric research, etc will CONTINUE TO FRUIT if not dealt with consciously/subconsciously.

Questions:
1. Is it a good idea to just “admit” the reality of merit giving, despite any thoughts of it being contrived or “selfish”. Should I make a concerted effort every day to simply accumulate and dedicate merit however I can as a general gathi-cultivator??? Should I strive against any behavior that says otherwise?

1. Is giving mental/physical offerings on a personal altar any good at all? Do beings in paralowa/loka or upper realms really benefit from such things and what about a sotapanna abandoning religious activities? My wife claims to have (siddhi)powers of sight and while I act & believe in the spirit realms/deva realms I don’t know enough about it to live as if i’m interacting with it?

3.Is it a good idea to create a bhavana(?)/meditation that is something like “is what i’m doing right now something I want to happen again and again?” according to pati-icca samu-upada?

4.Is it a good idea to generate energy focusing on creating a gathi-character that “meditates often” despite the nuance of supramundane/mundane objects. and…

1. Is it a generally good idea to think of “creating a gathi” as a kind of useful tool in general, with the thought of ‘future’ jati and other births in mind? For instance with my worldly concerns it could be something like “I’m shifting my gathi to helping people with x-problem and by using -x solution as a gifts to my future births”???

I hope you can understand the essence of my plea here. Thank you for your time & energy.

Wisdom, Joy, Bliss, Freedom

[Tobias G]

Hi Lodonyo,
What you describe here was also a big part of my world view in the past. So I can understand you at least a bit. Let me answer your questions as good as I can.

Questions:
1. Is it a good idea to just “admit” the reality of merit giving, despite any thoughts of it being contrived or “selfish”. Should I make a concerted effort every day to simply accumulate and dedicate merit however I can as a general gathi-cultivator??? Should I strive against any behavior that says otherwise?

One should learn the Buddha Dhamma and contemplate about it so that one can really feel joy related to giving. One needs compassion and a good heart. That comes with the understanding of the true nature of this world or Tilakkhana. You should do Satipattana and therefore act with sati all day. Whatever comes to the mind must be seen with sati, whether it is good/moral, neutral/functional, bad/unmoral. Discard all unmoral thinking, stop it with force if nothing helps. After a certain time your mind will know right from wrong.

Is giving mental/physical offerings on a personal altar any good at all? Do beings in paralowa/loka or upper realms really benefit from such things and what about a sotapanna abandoning religious activities? My wife claims to have (siddhi)powers of sight and while I act & believe in the spirit realms/deva realms I don’t know enough about it to live as if i’m interacting with it?

As long as one cannot perceive the other realms as real there is no need to force oneself to offer something. But you could train it, just a little offer every day, offered with compassion.

3.Is it a good idea to create a bhavana(?)/meditation that is something like “is what i’m doing right now something I want to happen again and again?” according to pati-icca samu-upada?

This is what we have to do. We cultivate our gathi in a way that there is no future bhava. This gathi is cultivated by understanding the true nature of this world. In this way one will lose all attachments. You do it with anapana and satipattana every day. You should do it in stting meditation as well as in daily activities. It need an effort or better it needs the satara iddhipada.

4.Is it a good idea to generate energy focusing on creating a gathi-character that “meditates often” despite the nuance of supramundane/mundane objects. and…
Is it a generally good idea to think of “creating a gathi” as a kind of useful tool in general, with the thought of ‘future’ jati and other births in mind? For instance with my worldly concerns it could be something like “I’m shifting my gathi to helping people with x-problem and by using -x solution as a gifts to my future births”???

Same as in #3 above. The habit of meditation brings a calm mind which can lose attachments easier. If you follow the 8fold path there is no need to cultivate another “rescuer-bhava”, instead you should cultivate Samadhi towards Nibbana, hence a bhava that drifts to total release. Maybe you should read (again) the Bhavana section on Lals website. I do not know which of the five hindrances (pancanivarana) is blocking you most. It only feels like thina middha and vicikicca. I really do not want to offend you in any way. Excuse me, if you feel uneasy because of anything I write.

[Christian]

A mind is like a radio. If you are in line with the right wave your life will be better overall even if it’s not a rich life or life you would dream of it will be very good.

What I suggest is to practice chanting with Abhya Thero. Once chants create proper wave structure in your mind you will see life is getting better like you would be touched by a supernatural force but of course those are just workings of proper Buddhist practice.

Once your mind is set in the right direction then the life will follow to be like that or at least your experience of life. This is my direct experience which I actually experienced and still researching on that how the mind actually changes the “wave” of life direction you are floating. What you experience you just going against life so there is friction.

I do not know if Lal agrees (if not, please delete) but there is Abhya thero mentioned on this site who have such chants to practice with

You need to learn the meaning of those (which you can find on youtube of his english discourses) after couple days of listening and chantings with understanding and contemplating you will feel refreshed with “will” to live and cope with things.

[Lal]

I see a lot of good advice. Here are a few more.

Merit giving is always good. You can “give” only after “gaining”. But that “gain” could come in many ways: when one gives to the poor, animals, and especially to bhikkhus, one “gains” merits for oneself, which one can the share with all beings, in one’s mid. One can also gain by doing satipatthana (being mindful). When one has avoided a bad kamma by being mindful, one will feel the “joy”, which again one share, etc. One can also gain by doing vipassana (insight meditation) by contemplating on Dhamma concepts (dasa akusala, five precepts, anicca, dukkha, anatta, paticca samuppada, etc).

One can gain “niramisa sukha” or “cooling down” just living a simple life. When we try to accumulate too many material things (thinking that they will provide us with pleasures), they only increase the burdens that we are already carrying. That does not mean one should give up everything. One needs certain things live this life. But the minimum one can live is the best. One has to be wise in making decisions though. For example, there is no point in paying for a “high end car” costing a lot money, but one should not buy a cheap car that breaks down often too (if one can afford); buying a “really cheap” car would only add more problems to handle, when it starts breaking down.

By the way, I would not worry about whether devas exist or not. We can see the suffering of humans and especially animals. Think about the pain suffered by an animal while being eaten alive or an old person without anyone to help. When I see those old people begging, I wonder what they would do when they get sick. That generates a lot of compassion. Then it is only natural to give merits to all such beings in this world. There are countless beings in much worse conditions.

So, we must not be depressed even if we do have problems. Everyone does. We just need to try to minimize the suffering by acting mindfully. Most of the things that we can do are not that hard to do. We just need to slowly start seeing the “hidden suffering” in things that we perceive to provide pleasure. Just like a fish bites into a “tasty looking” worm on a hook, we tend to overlook the suffering hidden in sense pleasures. Simple life is a happy life.

It may be a good idea to read of the posts in the following sections. Each person’s level of understanding is different. So, one can read different sections and see which ones resonate with oneself.
“Moral Living and Fundamentals”
“Living Dhamma“

[lodonyo]

@tobias
Hi Tobias, thank you for your time & energy in reply. Yes you spotted correctly my two major hindrances. Unfortunately, due to vicikicca, I struggle with generating conviction needed to overcome torpor. I struggle with this the most which is why I wrote this post. All of my energy is being used to overcome vicikicca just to overcome torpor. These words don’t give the immense weight of these hindrances justice. I’ve had so many spiritual experiences and yet vicikicca remains subconsciously. It is not a waking-conscious only thing…

@christian
Thank you very much for sharing this with me. Walasmulle is the only teacher in hela dhamma I follow because he teaches in english and has given talks in canada and australia which really opened my mind.

My studies show that mantra works with the aether element or akasha-dhatu and i’ve recently learned that the maha-bhutas have a trickle down effect from subtle -> gross. So when the aether is purified, the wind(mind) is purified; when wind -> fire(emotions/volition) is purified, when fire -> water(feelings/perceptions) is purified, when water -> earth (physical processes including brain) is purified.

So yes I will use abhaya thero’s technique thank you for reminding me and sharing!!!

@lal
Yes, that pleasant feeling when a bad karma is avoided i’ve felt it, as well as the rest, thank you for adding to my confidence.

“We can see the suffering of humans and especially animals…” I believe you’ve touched on something important. I’ve been too concerned about the spirit world and I need to ground my practice anyway. This helps me to remember that all the motivation I need to share merit and compassionate energy/thought is found in our everyday world just by thinking about it. The conditions of life can be so atrocious — human trafficking, slavery, corruption, possession, mental/physical illnesses, torture — even I shy away from such thoughts but I see now I need to actually go into them more every day(with balance) to generate a compassionate mind.

“hidden suffering”…yes not only can our impressions of sense gratification produce immediate suffering of more craving(i’ve got this one down) but suffering of immense impulse to do the same thing in the future, suffering of having to work to fulfill that craving, and suffering conditions in future jati/bhava. I know there is hidden suffering so my awareness is constantly on that FACT even though I haven’t “awakened” to it quite yet.

Lal your posts are always very balanced and calming, you live the middle way quite well it seems haha. Thank you so much for providing this invaluable resource and sharing the teachings of Buddha through your transmissions and teacher ven. Waharaka.

Thank you all for your reply. I walk away with mantra, confidence, and conviction to continue.

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu

[Christian]

Also, I want to tell you to contemplate on something as “inner instinct” and try to find within yourself. Start by thinking about it. I do not know if related to Gandhabba or anything else, or if Buddha spoke about it but if you feel disconnected from the “path” of the worldly way is good to seek help within yourself. There is something which you can get in contact with so to speak on the base of mental level. It’s like an inner guide which can enhance your wisdom. Do not force yourself to find it, it will come as you will just give it a sign.

I can not really explain it rationally or even in Buddha Dhamma terms but there is something like that which you can reach with your meditation or contemplation even if you are just novice you can work your way for it and ask it for guidance.

Try to find that inner guide and inner instinct just by digesting the idea, if you know there is something like that your mind will find it. It’s interesting stuff but I do not know if it’s Gandabbha or Deva or part of your mind I can only experience results and that there is such thing.

[Author]

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