[namo0804]

These days, I’m experiencing that I can use the moment when I had a bad cetana to perform.

Let me share experiences.

In my case, I have a habit of self-torturing myself instead of self-reflection whenever I had a bad cetana.

I confused self-torturing with consideration of ādīnava.

Self-torturing(blaming oneself in mind) was the result of being obsessed with feeling of samādhi.

The agitated mind made it difficult to see the phenomena correctly.

There was also a vicious cycle that led to plus more Saṅ every moment.

Fortunately, I remembered (the Dosakkayo’s writing) that I read before.

Since then, I thought it would be better to be careless in performance. I felt the need to fix habit.

So when I felt careless, I took a step back and tried not to make any judgment.

Thougt it could be help to remove my greed of niramisa sukha’s feeling.

I only considered the consequences of bad behavior when I was calm.

Then it became easier to understand the consequences of bad behavior.

My aggression gradually decreased and my mind became peaceful.

Ven Lal always said that understanding of Dhamma cannot be enforced.

Now I could Empathize what he emphasized.

I was able to experience that practicing Dhamma is different from just thinking or enforce about it myself.

Cleaning kilesa(or Saṅ) was the most important thing!

Now I think I understand a little bit of meanings in the Dhmmapada Verse 239(Verse 239 – The Story of a Brāhmin).

It might be bored sentence. But there is a reason why cliché is cliché.

I hope this experience could be helpful to others.

I hope this efforts may creat good conditions to others.

May the blessing of triple gem be with all beings!

[Lal]

Welcome to the forum, namo0804!
Thank you for taking the time to write.

I revised your comment as follows. I am hoping that would possibly better express your thoughts in English. Please feel free to correct where I did not get it right.

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“These days, I quickly become aware when a bad thought (with bad cetana) comes to my mind.
Let me share my experience.

In my case, I have a habit of spending too much time blaming myself when I accidentally do something bad. Instead, I need to realize why it was a bad deed, that it can have bad consequences, and stop there.
– Blaming myself for too long is not the solution. But I do need to see the adinava of such bad actions.
– Now I realize that spending too much time blaming myself will delay getting to samadhi.
– When I keep blaming myself, my mind becomes agitated, which is the opposite of samadhi!
– Now, once I realize a mistake, I promise not to repeat it and forget about it. Spending time regretting what happened will only make me agitated.
– That was also a vicious cycle that led to adding more Saṅ every moment.
– Fortunately, I remembered (the Dosakkayo’s writing) that I had read before.

Since then, I thought it would be better to cultivate the opposite habit. For example, I must cultivate metta often if I get angry quickly.

Also, if I can maintain a calm mindset, it will be less likely for bad thoughts to arise.
– Contemplating the harmful consequences of bad behavior made my mind calmer.

My aggression gradually decreased, and my mind became peaceful.

Ven Lal always said that understanding Dhamma could not be enforced.
– Now I could empathize with what he emphasized.

I was able to experience that practicing Dhamma (living according to Dhamma) is different from just thinking about it or enforce about it myself (i.e., trying to implement a set of rules).

Cleaning the mind of kilesa(or Saṅ) was the most important thing!
– Now I understand the meanings of the Dhammapada Verse 239(Verse 239 – The Story of a Brāhmin).
– I hope this experience could be of some help to others.

May the blessing of triple gem be with all beings!”
***********

Thank you again for sharing your experience.

[namo0804]

Thank you for the arrangement. Now I can study English by comparing sentences!

[Author]

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