How to repay bad deeds to parents?

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Invo.
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    • #23997

      I just come to think of my early teenage years where i bore a lot of resentment towards my mother and father. I spoke many harsh and hurtful words towards them. One time i slapped my mother and several times wrestled with my father. I even lied a couple of times. Surely this must have created very bad kamma, which i suspect I’m already feeling the consequences of from minor injuries and the like.

      My question is, how can i kammicly make amends in order to even out that kammic energy?
      I know establishing them in right view would be one of the best things. It’s been ineffective so far, but if i find sufficient evidence i may be able to do so.
      I also tranfer merits to them every day and practice metta towards them.
      Any tips or other things that can help even out that bad kamma (if it’s even possible at all)?

    • #23998

      Just because there are “pending kamma vipaka” does not mean all of them will actually bring vipaka. This is a very important point to remember.

      We all may have done very bad kamma in previous lives and such vipaka MAY bear fruit in this life or in future lives.

      However, we can REMOVE THE CONDITIONS that are necessary to bring those vipaka to materialize.
      – One obvious way is to attain magga phala. If one attains the Sotapanna stage, for example, all previous kamma that are eligible to bring rebirths in the apayas will be INEFFECTIVE.

      Even though Angulimala killed almost a thousand people, he was able to attain the Arahant stage. There are many lessons to be learned from that; see, “Account of Angulimāla – Many Insights to Buddha Dhamma“.

      On the other hand, some kamma vipaka can bring vipaka, even for a Buddha (while still living).

      But we can act with mindfulness and do our best NOT TO create suitable CONDITIONS for kamma vipaka to materialize; see, “What is Kamma? – Is Everything Determined by Kamma?“.
      – One example that I always give is: If one goes to a bad neighborhood at night time, that is likely to bring some bad vipaka that is waiting for the right conditions to bear fruit.
      – This is why being mindful of one’s actions is important, even in mundane matters.
      – Another example is starting a long trip without making the necessary preparations. Planning is a necessary step in most cases.

      You wrote, “I know establishing them in right view would be one of the best things. It’s been ineffective so far, but if I find sufficient evidence I may be able to do so.
      I also transfer merits to them every day and practice metta towards them…”.
      – So, you are doing what can be done to minimize the effects of such vipaka. Sincerely asking for forgiveness (during meditation sessions) is another thing that can be done. I do that every day. It is possible that we offend other people even without realizing it or even when we act with (what we think to be) good intentions.

    • #24315

      Hey :)

      Aside from what Lal wrote, I think it is very importaint to say you’re deeply sorry to directly to your parents, with real humility, remorse, understandning and metta and ask them for forgiveness, without expecting them to give you that forgiveness right away.

      Also I think that doing something good for poeple you used to harm is very good idea. Like giving a thoughtful gift without wanting anything in return. It really works wonders, at least in my culture.

      I think you should be more concerned about THEIR feelings, than your kamma seeds and it should be good.

      With metta

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