Hi Eric,
I am very sorry to hear about your experience.
Don’t be mad at me for saying this, but these are kamma vipaka. We all suffer at various levels as results of past kamma; of course yours is harsh.
The important thing is to understand this fact: Nothing happens in this world without one or more causes and when the result comes, it will run its course. But we CAN do two things:
- We all have done good kamma in past lives too. So, we can MAKE CONDITIONS for such good kamma vipaka to bring results, and those can lessen the suffering due to that bad kamma vipaka.
- Even more important, we should engage in good kamma, and follow the Path with determination, in order GET RID OF such bad kamma vipaka from arising in the future.
– Contemplating Dhamma will help you keep your mind away from those past experiences. At least you are not subjected to such abuse now. Try to keep the mind away from those memories. It serves no good to spend time thinking about it. Those are bad vaci sankhara, as I mentioned many times.
– Also try to think of your father as an agent used by Nature to bring those bad kamma vipaka to you. Try to forgive him. Most of all, stop communicating with him; that automatically will take the mind away from those memories.
– We all are likely to have kamma viaka MUCH WORSE than what you are experiencing. For example, one could be born a farm animal, and we can see the kind of suffering they go through in the video “Earthlings”: “Nationearht.com“.
Warning: There are scenes that are highly disturbing to the mind.