The Deep Kindness of Parents

Hello Donna,
Yes. We have to fulfill our obligations to others while working on our own spiritual development. So, it is always a balance. Things change unexpectedly and we have to do our best accordingly. As we fully well know, this is the anicca nature.

Paying debts is a part of making progress too. In this life, we are mostly indebted to our parents, children, extended family and friends, etc in that order. In the next life, it will be different set, where we will pay debts to the next in line.

However, one thing that I have noticed is that when we do our best to fulfill our obligations, things seem to get better over time too. I think you made the right decision to leave the monastery to help your aging Dad. It is a meritorious deed. If you did not do that you could have been stressed out about it.

There is a story in the Tipitaka that I heard from a desana from Waharaka Thero. The parents of a bhikkhu became old and became helpless. The bhikkhu started to share whatever he received in his alms round each day with his parents. Other bhikkhus complained to the Buddha about this action. The Buddha actually praised that bhikkhu and approved his action.

There was also an instant where one bhikkhu became ill and became helpless with other bhikkhus avoiding him. The Buddha himself went there to take care of the bhikkhu and admonished the other bhikkhus of their misbehavior.

So, we should always try to live a balanced life. Things will work out at the end.

Very impressive!!
You seem to be making good progress in Sinhala. Is it helping with Pali words yet?

Lal,

…In this life, we are mostly indebted to our parents, children, extended family and friends, etc in that order….

I notice that one’s spouse ( the ‘other half’ responsible for the birth of those children) does not feature anywhere in all of this. He/she would be closer to parents/children yet not so far removed as extended family/friends, as the blood line gets weak with extended family, and with friends it is non-existent (as is the case with one’s spouse, for that matter.) Do I have this right?

Ever grateful

Hello y not,

I missed the spouse! I may get into trouble with my wife.
It should be parents, spouse, children, siblings, extended family and friends, etc.

Of course, this is not a set order. This is actually what I believe the order is for me. For another person, a close friend may come much closer, for example.

So, don’t take this order too seriously. Parents definitely come first, because they are the ones who gave us a chance to be born with a human body. There are billions of human gandhabbas waiting for a suitable womb. Killing a parent is an anantariya kamma and killing any other (except for an Arahant) is not. Of course, killing an Arahant comes under a different category based on Arahant‘s moral standing.

Good one Lal:

Take heart, I got into trouble with my (ex-) wife and for quite other reasons.
‘ For another person, a close friend may come much closer, for example.’

There you have it

Ever so grateful