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Correct me if I’m wrong but the way I understand it, a Samma Sambuddha is indeed Omniscient, right? Whereas an Arahant has also attained Nibbana the same as a Buddha, but is not Omniscient?
Hello Tobias, I’m glad that you started this topic.
Even though our living situations are different (I’m an adult working part time and still living at home), it sounds like we are struggling with the same issue.
I was a samanera for a little over a year at local Thai monastery, not too far from my house. Shortly after I ordained I stumbled across this website and knew it was something special just after browsing a few posts. Several months later I started to really dig in to all of the different topics, reading as much as I could. I believe I was able to gain a magga-phala during that time, thanks to reading Mr. Lal’s explanations and having the opportunity to live the monastic lifestyle.
I disrobed back in March and came back home in July of this year. The disenchantment with worldly things and desire for seclusion is indeed a struggle. I felt a very strong sense of alienation upon disrobing and returning home and didn’t think that anybody would be able to understand what I was going through, so I was happy when Mr. Lal said he would be starting a discussion forum.
For me, the struggle isn’t in raising a family but in finding some way to make a living. Before I ordained I was a freelance musician for about two and a half years and now that I’m back home I’ve started gigging again. I’m reminded of an individual that Mr. Lal mentioned at one point, who said that the more she meditated the more her peace of mind grew, but at the same time her interest in her old hobbies such as reading and listening to music diminished. I’ve experienced a similar effect; I used to have a real burn to do what I did for living and got a lot of satisfaction from it, but now having to “hold it up” as mode of living feels more like a burden. It’s not that I dislike it, but I just don’t care as much anymore.
On top of that I felt frustrated/depressed due to not being able to experience the strong mental clarity and niramisa sukha that I regularly felt living at the monastery, which gets quickly covered up by the relatively heavier sankhara of a layperson’s life.
I think it’s a matter of course that we must feel these things if we gain Path knowledge and still live a layperon’s life. Even though we don’t feel as strong a pull toward sensual/worldly things, it’s probably not possible to drop everything all at once.
