[Aniduan]

Hi Lal,

Thank you for your response.

Just to give a back ground. I was not an angry person. But in the last 10 years or so(I am 40 year old) I used to get angry very easily and in the recent years I am angry almost all the time. I will keep thinking of people that I hate over and over for hours at a time. I became short tempered and shout at people for small issues especially at my wife. This led me to get drunk frequently and pass out as that’s the only way I could sleep well. I have been depressed(mildly) also since past 5 years.

I have read many dhamma articles on gathi and anusaya on your website but I may not have quite grasped the concepts yet. I will keep on reading..

Your question: “Here it seems that “an angry gathi” that you had was triggered by some event. Is that right? Did someone do something to make you angry? Also, have you had such occurrences in the past several years, where anger was triggered by some incident?”

The anger is basically due to people and incidents that happened in the past. Just to give a few examples:
1) I got t-boned in an accident at a signal and the person who made the mistake lied to the insurance
2) Got into a nasty verbal argument with a person who cut a line at a grocery store
3) Anger at close relatives because I don’t like some of the things they do/don’t do
4) Anger at boss who doesn’t provide good project opportunities
5) Annoying and selfish co-workers
6) Anger at previous landlord who was mean and unfair

I can go on and on but this is just a small list of people/incidents.

The anger/hate is so strong that its like a tide and I am overpowered. When I felt the niramisa sukha for the first few weeks after reading your posts I didn’t feel any hate/anger and in fact I forgave all of them but its now back…

Thanks.

[Author]

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