[Anonymous]

Hello,

The following is an email I sent to my boss with the intention of removing vaci sankhara from my environment. My boss is a conscious and aware guy, but am I wasting my time trying to change others? Should I just find a new job? And has anyone found a moral place to work?

“I’ve been mulling over some ways to make work a happy place for all. One area I noticed was the mindset. Being a big fan of Dhamma (laws of nature and mind), I started there and found some positive ways to happize work via the elimination of some ‘not so good’ habits. We at Natural Grocers do a superb job at keeping the body healthy and the brain functioning to its capacity, but what about the mind (our thoughts, speech and behaviors). What keeps the mind healthy? The mind and subsequently speech and behaviors effect our work, home and social lives. The ‘not so good’ habits of the mind I’m referring to here fall under the category of negative gossip.

Backbiting, Slander, Negative Gossip & Heresy
In what the corporate world calls ‘backbiting’, in layman’s terms I call ‘negative gossiping’. It is a disease that’s widespread in work environments known to cause decreased employee retention, productivity and creativity while increasing absenteeism and fractionalization.

In an attempt to rid myself of the suffering effects of negative gossip, I did some research to find solutions. I found two very good Ted Talks (below with topics) that would have very positive results for our employees, their families and our customers. They both offer really good techniques to eliminate negative gossip.

Redirecting Gossip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kVIErLCcrE (~ 16 minutes)
This video covers the following topics:

• the power of words and the hurt they cause
• slander, gossip and lying consequences, outcomes and injustice it causes
• sowing of negative mind seeds that alter perception of reality
• positive gossiping and sowing of good mind seeds
• are you proliferating the problem, or part of the solution
• motive for sharing the information…advice? or revenge?
  solutions as a listener
• solutions as the object of the gossip
• the non-gossiper gift

How to start changing an unhealthy work environment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYLb7WUtYt8 (~ 8 minutes)
This video covers the following topics:

• ‘backbiting’ defined…negative talk about a 3rd party that’s not present
• ‘backbiting’ test: Triple Filter Test. True, Good, Useful (TGU)
• why we gossip
• gossip challenge project with easy step-by-step instructions
  role model for our families

The key is creating a workplace where the mind can be happy and at peace. In a recent study by Oxford Economics, they discovered that most important thing the workplace could offer millennials is the same thing that their non-millennial co-workers want most…peace and quiet. So, even the younger generation are over the drama at work. The world is changing and this one is good!

Let me know what you think.”

With metta,
Donna :)

[y not]

hello Donna!

I do not give much for these videos on social media. I did try to listen to some lenght, but could not: the first thing I ask myself before anybody even starts talking is: why is this person taking the time to say all this? To what purpose? What is his/her first or true objective? You will find that 99,99% of the time the motive is selfish; it is either money or fame or both, if not totally then partly, or better still, to a large extent. I am particularly on my guard when any of what I call the 3 P’s have something to say; politicians, priests and professional people.

Like most others I have had my share of the treatment you are getting, so I understand and sympathize with you. I am past working age now but will tell you how I used to go about it. First of all I always felt that you cannot change people just like that; second, that I never ‘return in kind’ that which I know is wrong to do or say. (‘If they are like that, well, I won’t allow MYSELF to be like that’ attitude) Particularly if you are a quiet person, speak only when it is necessary to do so, get about your work as best you can without bothering about what others are doing, people tend to think you are easy prey because they know you are not the kind of person to hit back. And they are right! So equanimity is the word. Yes, you need inner strenght. You know that it will not last anyway..AND there must be a reason unknown to them and to yourself too why they are acting like that.

…. ‘but am I wasting my time trying to change others? Should I just find a new job? And has anyone found a moral place to work?’ My answers are: yes, I don’t know, no. 1) Others will change, if they do, in their own time, through their own experiences, not when you want them to.2) I do not know whether you should change your job because 3) a place to work will be in the same world, in the mostly immoral world. I ,for one, had not found a moral place to work.
Wait and see what others have to say on here. There are a few in this immoral world who speak and act without any personal motive whatsoever. They are few- and you are in the right place.

y not

[Embodied]

Hello,

You are a person of great faith indeed. Are there other people adhering to your cause ? Of course you should make a try but at your place i wouldn’t insist if it doesn’t work. Otherwise it will become a defilement ?

Just my 2 cents – or even less…

all the best to your project !

[Anonymous]

Thank you y not :)

[Lal]

The two TED presentations links that Donna has provided are good. They emphasize the negative aspects of bad speech.

What “y not” stated is true in general. One mostly comes across material that are not good or even harmful sometimes.

So, if one gets material from reliable sources, it is not a bad idea to look at them, if one has time. But most of this information is in Buddha Dhamma, and the “Moral Living and Fundamentals” section has posts on such topics.

Furthermore, it is important to understand that vaci sankhara is not just speech, but also includes conscious thoughts. One can be generating a lot of bad vaci sankhara without saying a single word: “Correct Meaning of Vacī Sankhāra“.

[Anonymous]

Thank you Lal! _/|\_

Also, I just read more details from the Satipatthana Sutta which provides the basic instructions to deal with conditions (‘battles’) in everyday life:

“get into a calm and stable mindset that is devoid of greed, hate, and ignorance; keep a modest attitude without any sense of superiority; be forthright and honest, and keep the mind on the main object of cooling down”

I believe this is a type of kāyānupassanā to be done continuously that will help get one over the Sotapanna mountain while at the same time help others at whatever level of functioning they may be…even if it is just a positive role model.

With metta to all,
Donna :)

[y not]

Donna:

These are the instructions. I am in no doubt that you cannot find
better ones.

…especially at the very start ‘ Get into a calm and stable mindset’.
Question is: are you able to do it? I am saying this not to discourage you in any way. I hope you do, I hope all do. It is only that on one occassion in particular in my life when I just had to get soemthing across to somebody I felt I should NOT go ahead and do so, yet something was pushing me irresistibly, even against my will, to go ahead. I was being pulled in two opposite directions, and I felt that I would not be able to calm down UNLESS I went ahead. All the while I was trembling. Honest. A ‘calm and stable mindset’ was light millenia away.

So we all are here to learn and I may not be that much of ‘a positive role model’- in this case at least. That is however my experience, and I though that I should share it.

y not

[Anonymous]

I get practice everyday between work and my teenage daughters. It’s a proces requiring incredible will and the remembrance of the outcomes good and bad. In this environment and state I’m in, I’ve found out that kamma vipaka comes very quickly, so it’s even a bigger incentive to stay calm and not get attached to life being perfect…it can’t be, it’s not setup to do that (anicca, dukkha and anatta). This is my gathi and I’m working hard to change it. It’s the dirt at the bottom of the well being stirred up and now I can see and get rid of it. :)

Regarding the email I sent to my boss, he loved the idea and wants to pilot it at our location. It shows people want goodness in their lives, they just don’t where to start.

With metta,
Donna :)

[Akvan]

Hi Donna,

It is good that your boss was positive towards your ideas. But most of my experiences have not been the same. It comes down to the fact that we cannot maintain anything the way we like to. So don’t be disheartened if things go wrong.

Negative words and deeds was a problem I encountered especially in work places, and it is most often considered part and parcel of work life. I consider myself a passive individual and did not believe in backbiting and sucking up of any sort. However a couple of years in the competitive corporate world and I came to realize (and was even told / warned by others) that I will not go far if I am passive. So I consciously changed my ways to become more assertive and playing the corporate game (backbiting, gossiping, sucking up). I knew this was not my real self but that I needed to do it in order to get ahead, so I considered it part of work.

Circumstances changed and I changed jobs and also came across this site and other related content. I came to realize how foolish I was and what a lot of akusala kamma I was collecting, while trying to “move up” in work and life.

I don’t have any ambitions in the work place anymore and hence I don’t need to do all that gossiping and slandering that is considered part of work. Some think that I am being passive, foolish etc. But since I am just doing my job to earn some money without wanting get ahead, I don’t see the need to do all this vaci sankara. Of course it is not easy to refrain from it all because I have been in that competitive environment for sometime. But I do feel much less stressful this way.

Just my thoughts and experiences,
Akvan

[Embodied]

Hi,

Well it seems that each one envisages assertiveness differently. To me assertiveness has nothing to do with falling in gossip, backbiting etc. It’s more about being straightforward, affirmative and “self”-confident. And a fine Buddhist can be assertive if needed. There is even the case of an Irish mentioned by Stephen Batchelor which became Bhikkhu and lived in Asia while actively promoting human rights there.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your comments! _/|\_

This past week I started doing metta bhavana at work. What happened first was a couple of days of wildness. It was so busy and full of challenging vaci sankhara situations, is was crazy intense. Then yesterday after a calming meditation just before leaving for work, the storm ended for me. I noticed others running around still crazy busy, gossiping, etc., but it wasn’t effecting me. Kind of like being in the ‘eye of hurricane’ just watching the storm swirl all around, but being strangely calm.

And as a bonus starting next week, I’m being trained in another department where I’ll have very little interaction with those committing the most vaci sankhara.

With the samma vayama (effort) put forth change happened in the mind. The external change will take longer as I move into a new role, but I don’t think it will much matter as long as I stay in the ‘eye’.

Another thing I noticed is the law of attraction in action. Not only my boss, but others (some new hires as well) have interests around conscious moral living. Just shows how powerful our thinking can be. Use it with pannā and watch your sansāra change before your very eyes.

With metta,
Donna :)

[Author]

Posts