[Waisaka]

Hi Lal.. 

I have a stumbling thought. 

Is making out (oral sex) with a future wife Or fiancé  a kamacchanda?

It has always been a polemic about this immoral act, in my opinion personally this immoral act is more like going to prostitution, rape, fetishism, because you want to fulfill uncontrollable desires (kamacchanda), but if you mention being related to your future wife or fiancé (not to the point of having sex) just like kissing and so on. is the category of kamacchanda Or kamaraga , I doubt it here. Because in this case it does not harm other beings, but the desire of the body that wants to be fulfilled. 

Sorry to ask this before, This stuck in my mind. I think you are competent to answer.🙏

With metta, waisaka

[Lal]

The Buddha did not ask “householders” to abstain from sex. 

• Any sexual act within “societally-accepted ways” (i.e., with spouse or fiancé) does not violate “kāmēsu micchācārā”  under “dasa akusala” or the “ten immoral deeds.” 
• However, once one fully understands the dangers of any type of “kāmēsu micchācārā,” one will abstain from any sexual act. But that happens at the Anagami stage.

Furthermore, kāmēsu micchācārā includes not just sexual misconduct but also excessive sensory pleasures. See “Ten Immoral Actions (Dasa Akusala).”

• Also see “Is It Necessary for a Buddhist to Eliminate Sensual Desires?.”

Also, note that my name is not “Lai” but “Lal.” I have been correcting this for a while now.

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Waisaka

[Waisaka]

First of all, I apologize for pronouncing your name wrong Lal 😊🙏..

 

  Thank you for your answer Lal, this really helped me. And there is new material for me to study (kāmēsu micchācārā).

May we always thrive in the dhamma, Sadhu Sadhu sadhu

 

  With metta, waisaka

[Author]

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