Thank you again. :) Speaking of time, it’s been a bit so I’ll be bulleted:
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Got taken off that one medicine that was making me a zombie and was put on two others. Fingers crossed these work better.
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I’m getting better at catching and ending thought-streams as they arise, from imagined arguments (where I verbally curb-stomp them of course) to daydreaming about pretty girls or delicious food (in my mind they’re not much different). The latter are a lot more difficult to deal with, not because they’re any harder to catch or end but because a) I really want to get lost in these greedy thoughts, b) that’s how I’ve always “stopped” hateful thoughts. I realize now that’s counter-productive (the greed will just turn to hate when I don’t get whatever I’m fantasizing about) but it’s still a pain.
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While I’m still doing it every now and then, whenever I “eat bad” I’m finding I’m more able to know and accept exactly what I’m doing instead of getting lost in the munchies only then to find myself with “what have I done?!” self-hating sorrows. Today while ordering Chinese takeout I almost didn’t because it just seemed not worth the trouble — that and I was tired of oatmeal, eggs, broccoli, or yogurt. While I still ordered the tasty junk in the end, maybe next time the “this is pointless” will win out over the “must om nom now”? Worth a shot as trying to force myself, to say no-no-no to my comfort-food cravings, ultimately backfired each and every time for almost a decade now. But if I just don’t care maybe that’ll “take the power away” from this particular addiction?
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I’m finding that I reach much more (formal) meditative states reading PD than anything else: more than once, after reading for at least twenty minutes without distraction — and with serene music in the background — I was able to sustain for several minutes a feeling of “warm fuzzies/pricklies” mostly in and, somehow, over the surface of my face and forearms. I’ve never gotten this from reading Buddhism anywhere else. But then again what I thought was Buddhism before were mostly books by the likes of Alan Watts and Thich Nhat Hanh.
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The few times I’ve tried chanting for similar timeframes, only once was I able to reach a similar state. But it was only for a few seconds and the sensation was “shallow”. Maybe I’m doing it wrong or I’m just not the chanting type. Listening to them, yes, but not so much doing it.
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One page on PD mentioned eventually one goes from it being a chore to a desired activity. I believe I’m beginning to make that transition from “have to” to “want to”.