Hi Eric,
Thank you for sharing your diary with us. It may help you get things off your chest, and hopefully we can see improvement over time.
However, don’t expect quick results. Keep taking the medication and hopefully you can reduce the dose over time, and eventually become free of medication.
As I mentioned before, each one of has health or other personal issues that are due to kamma done in previous lives. Once those kamma vipaka start, all we can do is to try to deal with their effects. Yours is something that actually can be overcome, since the actual abuse was in the past. The mind CAN heal.
By the way, I am not sure whether you the post by Donna where she recommended the book: The Brain’s Way of Healing: Remarkable Discoveries and Recoveries from the Frontiers of Neuroplasticity, by Norman Doidge. You may want to read that. It is compatible with some things that we have discussed based on Buddha Dhamma. After all these years, psychologists are re-discovering some key issues on how the human mind works.