Dhamma 123,
It would be presumptuous of me to hope to ‘go one better’ than Lal trying to get you to understand this. So I can ‘interevene’ only to say:
Lal understands DHAMMA correctly, and based on that says that Buddha never gave his consent to violence in ANY circumstance. I see you have difficulty accepting that.
I suggest you take a neutral stand for the time being, not insisting that violence in self-defence may be justifiable, not accepting that it is not. Let go of it completely for a few days. Then it may happen that a significant point or aspect of it pops up in your mind uninvited. THEN get back.
May you attain peace!