[Johnny_Lim]

I personally find that the most difficult obstacle for me is believing in the Buddha’s words. I did not start off with the Theravada tradition. Fortunately for me, I am quite a skeptical person. Being skeptical has its pros and cons. It is good because I will not easily fall for false doctrines. It is bad because I will be ‘overly-protective’ of myself to accept the teachings. Along the way, doubts about the Buddha and Dhamma surfaced. Which makes me very frustrated. Seeing friends and colleagues around me enjoying themselves out there while I am here in my room fighting against worldly sense pleasures, I even started to question my own sanity. Also, with so many versions of Buddhism available today, it does not help a bit. But I am not willing to give in to these noise. Something inside me tells me that I have to persevere. It actually took me quite a while to be fully convinced on the Buddha’s message. Many thanks to Lal for setting up Puredhamma.net. Without his contribution to the Dhamma community, I will be wasting my life away.

[Tobias G]

Depending on the person the 5 hindrances are strong in the beginning. I guess in your case vicikicca and uddacca-kukkucca were relevant. That’s why one hovers around without knowing what is right and wrong. Learning Dhamma reduces the hindrances so that one can build faith in the Dhamma with the validation of its effectiveness.

My problem was in the beginning when I came to puredhamma.net. Learning Dhamma was something very strange to me, because I came form the field of breath meditation, where learning/grasping/comprehending was not really needed. Therefore I remember that I have send some stupid questions to Lal. I had to drop the thinking in wrong concepts first.

Great merits for Lal for all his efforts!

[Johnny_Lim]

Hi Tobias,

I think you are right to say that vicikicca and uddacca-kukkucca are probably more pronounced for me. Especially the latter. Back then, I continually needed to grasp sense objects to quench my cravings. Otherwise, I would feel bored and my mind would proliferate. And each time I gave in to sensual cravings, it only became worse. At one time, I had collected 21 cameras and god knows why I needed so many cameras. And the keen interest in travelling together with photography are the worst combo I had to deal with. Had I not encountered Buddha Dhamma, I think my collection will still be growing today. The doctrine of Paticca Samuppada totally changed me. Especially the part when it explains habitual formations. I knew I needed to do something drastic to repair my lifestyle.

[Akvan]

Hi Johnny,

I can relate to you in that I am also a very skeptical person and will always have a counter argument or theory for anything, may be even to the point of being cynical. I grew up in Sri Lanka and was exposed to the traditional Theravada Buddhist tradition plus Christianity and Islam through relatives and friends. I had this feeling that there was something substantial in all these religions but I always saw faults in all of them. I was reading widely and had a thirst for knowledge and in this process varied causes lead me to the puredhamma site. Thanks mainly to Lal and other Theros in Sri Lanka I started to realise that the Sa-dhamma (pure dhamma) actually was the correct path. However I still had all sorts philosophical questions, and indirectly was questioning the teachings. So I think this also would fall into Udacca-kukkucca.

However the more I contemplated and understood the anicca, dukka, anatta nature of the world the more I understood different areas of the dhamma. The more it all fell into place. Some questions I had, I simply put away as they do not help this path. So what I have come to realise is that as I progress on this path, the teachings of the Buddha seem to be more and more correct. So in this same logic I believe that the points he has mentioned that I cannot grasp at the moment have to be correct as well. I guess this is the sadhdha aspect.

Sorry if this is a bit long, just thought I should share my experiences as well.

[Johnny_Lim]

Hi Akvan,

Many thanks for sharing your experience. I agree that we ought to put away the type of questions that do not seem to help in our practice and focus on what we can do. I would think those doubtful thoughts that manifest in our minds are our inner Mara at work. I have a colleague who said I think too much when I told her that I am struggling with sensual desires. To me, this internal struggle is a good thing because that is the natural process of mental purification at work! For a person who does not have hiri and ottappa, well…Mara will just smile at that person and continue to have dominion over him.

[shez]

So many obstacles, no where near destination.

I want to tell my story from the beginning.
I was born to a Sri Lankan mum and an English father. we were staunch Buddhists, and me as strong as any – but we followed the Thai tradition which we had access to. As a primary school child i refused to read fiction. When I was still a teen I had the strong desire to ordain, but a string of high profile monks disrobing gave my mother cause to hesitate – get a degree first, then you can ordain. I kept my mundane 5 precepts moderately well but I did not practice much, spent more time playing games than studying. I got through a medical degree despite not wanting it much, but in final year met a girl who really liked me. Not a buddhist, but she had very strong ethics, so we matched well enough.

Now we have 2 small kids, but i feel like I’ve fallen so far from where i started, and my life is a straightjacket – I still have to study for specialist exams, I have shiftwotk hours and no one around me but my now distant parents understand my real priorities. I gave my life away.

the first time I read Lal’s site it was revelatory, but I cannot keep the meanings in mind – it slips though my mind and now it cannot have the impact it had the first time I read it. When i sit i only get turmoil mostly.

But I knowthat I had it in my mind rightly before, and I struggle vainly to get it back.

#grief

[Johnny_Lim]

Hi Shez,

I guess it has something to do with your pāramī. But don’t waste this life. You have to stay resolute to make a difference. Please don’t waste this lifetime. There are only 2 outcomes. One, continue to stay in sansara. Two, attain Nibbana. The puthujjana will continue to perpetuate suffering in sansara whereas the wise men will strive to attain liberation in this very life. There is no such thing as enjoying life and stay liberated at the same time. Lots of wise contemplation helps!

[Author]

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