[HugoZyl]

Dear and venerable followers of the Buddha, the Dhamma and the Sangha. 🙏🏻

  It is a great privilege and pleasure to be able to share a little something with the dear ones. Very grateful to have been able to follow the teachings for about 500 days now, and thought it might be constructive to share what the results have been as we say goodbye to the year 2025.

  If anything in this post appears to be conceited or spoken vainly, please forgive as this is not the purpose. Simply hope to say things in a way which is clear and most constructive.

  Background

  After finishing high school, I felt no purpose in life, had no interest in work, studying, marriage or seeking anything in the world. This lead to great depression… and to a spiritual experience. As I sat on the ground crying, a voice, clear as crystal, spoke in my head. It said three words, ‘Read that book’. Having grown up in a nominal Christian home, there was always a Bible in the house, and I instinctively knew the voice was referring to the Bible. I started reading it and immediately converted to Christianity. This completely changed me: Moral living, prayer, fasting, gave away all possessions except for a few clothes (was still living in my mother’s house at that time). Started going door to door to tell people about Christianity. This led to a spiritual experience one day where I was completely overwhelmed with divine peace, and fell down to the ground simply overcome with joy. This stage lasted about six years.

  The next step was when I met a man who was a follower of Daoism. To my great surprise, he was much more spiritual than me and even had some supernatural powers. I could not explain this for at that time, I had the wrong view that only Christianity was truth. He then recommended me to an organization called the Spiritual Science Research Foundation (www.ssrf.org). This is a group which focuses on spiritualising eveything in one’s life. They put no focus on individual religion but rather on how to eat, how to walk, how to talk, how to greet, what clothes to wear, which position to sleep in, and every other thing you can think of, while all the time chanting the name of God according to your own religion from morning till night. I stayed with this group for about ten years, during which time I was able to get into the first jhana.

  I still felt unfulfilled, and this led to step three when I read the book called ‘Handbook for Mankind’ by Bhikkhu Buddhadasa, and thus was led to this website and thus this forum and thus this post.

  Positives & Negatives

  Point 1: It is with much gratitude that I can share that I have received many spiritual experiences. However, at the end of the day they left me without feeling fulfilled.

  Point 2: For about eight years now I’ve had a drinking problem. It is bizarre. I find it difficult to understand. I do not like the taste of alcohol. I do not like to be drunk. I do not like to wake up with a hangover. But it continues on week after week. I guess it may have to do with finding a purpose in the day. It is a wrong perception that having a drink fulfills that purpose.

  Point 3: When it comes to greed, I’m also confused. I work part time, sometimes making ￥3000, sometimes ￥6000. This doesn’t bother me at all. However, if I see a ￥5 lying on the ground, I will be very excited and pick it up immediately. It makes no sense.

  Point 4: Concerning meditation, I try to do four to eight hours a day, depending on circumstances. What I’m calling meditation would be to read a sutta, sit cross-legged, go into the 1st jhana, contemplate, if I lose focus, mindfully take a breath, contemplate. Revolve around anicca, dukkha and anatta; kamma and rebirth.

  Point 5: An interesting experience… I went walking in the evening, about three months ago. I was alone, went to a dark area with no people, and didn’t take my phone. Carelessly, I fell into a ditch about two meters deep. Broke my wrist, cracked a rib, busted my face and loosed my knee cap. I was alone there in the dark hole for about an hour. Finally clawed my way out of there and limped my way back home. All that time I did not feel sorry about it or scared, or think it was a big deal. I knew that nothing that could happen to me could in any way compare with the suffering of those poor beings in hell. And I knew I would never go to hell so no matter what happens to me, even if I died there in the ditch, it doesn’t really matter. There was still some selfishness, because I did not consider how would the family feel, though.

  Conclusions

  I do not live in an area where there are real monks. Thus, I will probably never have the chance to become one. 

  I do not feel that I am special in any way. I am just the result of previous causes. 

  It is difficult for me to know if I’m really making progress or if I’m stuck. I cannot say I am more advanced now than I was a year ago. 

  Extremely grateful for the opportunity to be able to hear the pure Dhamma, communicate with the venerable ones, and share something which might be meaningful to another.

  Thank you for taking the time to read this humble post. It took me about an hour to write it… I’m going to count that as an hour of meditation. 😊

  Namo Buddhaya 🕊️

[Lal]

Thank you for sharing your experience, HugoZyl.

• Each person follows the Path in their own way.
• I don’t know how much you read on the website or which sections you read. If there are specific questions, I can try to answer.

 

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