This got nothing to do with with the Path – constantly reminding yourself about how somebody is sick and dying etc. will actually take away energy for practice. Buddha said it’s good from “time to time” remind oneself about faults of ourselves and others but if you focus on this too much you will lose energy that you can use to advance on the Path. Sybe you need proper teacher and guidance to be less confused and someone who will straight you up as just going around circles will not make any use for you.
Buddha explained your behavior like this AN 7.71 so try to take it to the heart so you will not end up like this AN 8.10