Hi all,
It’s nearly a month now, there are ups and downs, the urge to enjoy sensual pleasures still there but very subtle and hard to catch, but in the recent few days, after taking Lal’s advice, it seems like I’ve made a breakthrough. Everyday I have to ride the bus for 2 hours, and this is the time where most of my formal meditation take place, sometime I close eyes and contemplate on Dhamma concepts, sometimes I take people, animals at the object for contemplating. I can clearly see that each body is making up of various parts
(bones, flesh, …) depends on their kamma vipaka, and nothing to be clung into. I can see and understand the arising of five aggregates, etc.
I hardly craving anything regard of sensuality or entertainments. I always have a calm mind that seems unshakable, I feel like there is nothing that can make me angry or go uncontrolled, even if someone cut my hands, talking bad about me, or if my relatives pass away, etc. All because of my understanding that I’ve learnt. Maybe because I haven’t faced such real events yet to trigger my asavas. It’s hard to tell if I’m now an Anagami or not, but it’s not important anyway, my goal is always Nibbana from the beginning. I’m kind of a perfectionist, it’s rather the whole, or nothing.
When look back to the experience I describe here, I can tell it’s Sakadagami Phala, it’s hard to differentiate between this and Anagami Phala, only later time when you will know for sure. In my case I know I’m not Anagami yet because sometimes I catch some subtle urges to enjoy sensual pleasure, some anusaya resurface, I know there are more hidden asavas in me.
I know what to do next, I will push the anapanasati to its peak, 24/7, no loose. I will read and practice satipathana sections (I haven’t yet). I know these will take me to Nibbana if I practice correctly and maintain firm determination to escape samsara.
Again, there is no going back.
On the way to Stream Entry.
