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Hello, I am writing to explain a pattern that I have been noticing in myself over the past year.
Even though I am a Buddhist by birth, I only developed a geniune interest in the Buddha Dhamma about a year ago when I first learned about the different realms described by Buddhism. It was when I researched about the suffering in the hell realms that I became scared and then I learned that I can work toward achieving Sotapanna in this life (to eliminate the chance of being reborn in woeful states).
That was the first time I started truly learning about the Buddha Dhamma. I started searching online about ways to attain the Sotapanna stage and that is when I came upon this site. Ever since I have spent considerable time reading the posts and trying my best to apply the teachings in my life, alongside pracitcing reflection of what I learned. This is somewhat unecessary to state, but I lost many of my “friends” in school and even some of my fellow Sinhalese friends as well after I expressed my desire to attain this state and discuss about deep topics.
The main reason I am writing this is to elaborate on a pattern that I have seen over the 1 year period since I gained interest in the Buddha Dhamma. For 1-2 weeks I spend a lot of time reading the posts on this website, and during this period I live very morally and in a mindful manner, alongside comphrending the Buddha’s teachings. However, after this period I stop reading on this website and I soon abandon the reflection and mindfulness, even though I try to keep the morality. During this period I mainly just focus on school and sometimes even engage in unwholesome habits (such as overindulgence in sense-pleasures). Because of this, sometimes I get idea that my mind isn’t “pure” enough to learn the Dhamma, so I don’t return to this website for quite some time.
However, after months I return to the website and the same 1-2 week period happens; thus the cycle happens again. My most notable period in this cycle is the most recent time I was learning the Buddha Dhamma in March, and I made an effort to learn many concepts and I came close or even attained an anariya jhana state (for a few seconds before I lost control). However, after I experienced this state, things began to gradually decline and now I am in a somewhat unwholesome period where I don’t dedicate any effort to learning the Buddha Dhamma. I cannot spend time reading the posts on this website because I am taking a multitude of very hard classes, and the exams are approaching rapidly.
The worst part is, I’ve been experiencing anger toward my parents (sometimes very intense), during this period. I never express it openly but my mental state is anger and despise toward them, even though it seems good on the outside. I know this is very bad kamma and I need to avoid doing this, but sometimes I cannot control my mind.
My question is: after my exam season is over, can I balance learning the Dhamma with school work (in my senior year of high school after summer break)? If so, how can I make consistent efforts instead of sproradically learning? Thank you for taking the time to read this post, I really appreciate it.
Namo Buddaya
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Hello Damithu,
I would suggest you focus on your studies until the exam period ends.
As a beginner in the pursuit of Buddha’s teachings, one would face many conflicting viewpoints. It may take some time to sort things out. It is best to do that after getting through the exam period.
First, some parts of the Buddha’s teachings are incompatible with modern science, even though science has gradually adopted certain aspects of them, especially in recent years. On the other hand, modern science has never conclusively disproven any aspect of Buddha Dhamma. I can help you deal with it by suggesting certain posts or sections in the website.
Furthermore, Buddha’s teachings have been distorted over the past 2,600 years, and there are now many versions. Some are easy to reject, while others could be attractive depending on one’s views about the world. So, it is good to keep an open mind and examine different versions that seem logical. Once you get back to focus on Dhamma, don’t hesitate to ask questions on such issues as well. In the beginning of my journey, I went through that process for a couple of years.
It is imperative to get through the school year and get good grades. Once it is out of the way, you can focus on Dhamma for a few months without distractions. We wish you well in those efforts!
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Thank you sir,
I will do as you suggest and focus completely on my studies. As soon as the school year is over I will focus on the Dhamma. Thank you for your guidance.
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I also had same experiences like you regarding anariya jhana as well as indulges, at about same age as yours. I think I had reached something like closer to 2nd anariya jhana (my present guess, could be wrong though), it was amazing happiness like a still lake and absense of both discomfort and thinking. I stopped trying to reexperience that state many years back. But now I have realized in last 1.5 to 2 years that, the more expert one is in anariya jhanas, deeper in hell one might land! It’s like higher you jump, lower you fall! Anyways, you said, you will focus on the dhamma as soon as the school year is over. I was like that only! I was so much obsessed with reading suttas from tipitaka that I used to hide the sutta books while studying so that my parents wouldn’t know I am reading suttas from tipitaka instead of studying, because my parents have literally scolded me because of my poor performance in school. That was the obsession I had about suttas from tipitaka. I used to think that if I become sotapanna before my final exam, I will score top in my college exam, I was 16 yrs old when I used to think like that. My goal was definitely noble but my conduct was definitely not because I didn’t know how to practice dhamma. Btw I am a dentist now.
I do think that practicing dhamma for attaining sotapatti phala also includes studying enough to score well in exams so that one’s livelihood becomes stable. I think I may have reached sotapanna anugami stage because I have become selfish enough to stop indulges, so my conduct is very good now, I stay mindful most of the time in a day, I have experienced piti many times and I am closer to experience sukha/joy now. So my advice would be that, try to exert your energies more in studies and as much less as possible in indulges. Because engaging in indulges will just postpone the sukha/joy of life, so if one really want to experience sukha or proper happiness in life, one needs to have mindfulness of one’s daily life. In your case this can translate as focus on studying as much as possible and as much less in indulges as possible. I feel because of living like this, although it is still very long and almost impossible, I feel I am progressing towards sotapatti phala, even if it is very very slowly. But I know it is harder than I can imagine. So all the best buddy!
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