Just yesterday at the time of this writing, I was on an MRT (our country’s subway) train. I offered my seat to an elderly passenger who was standing, thinking that he needed the seat more than I did. What did I get in return? He made biting remarks: ‘You think I need a seat ah (ah is one of our country’s slang words which can mean irony or sarcasm)? Stupid!’
I think he felt offended that I thought him frail enough to be in need of a seat, and retaliated by calling me a fool in public.
In the past, I would have felt very hurt and angry, and started a mental tirade against him in my mind. ‘How could he say that to me in public! Doesn’t he realize that that word was insulting and humiliating? What a rude man! And after me just wanting to offer him something in kindness! How ungrateful and unkind!’ (Now I hope of course that that man does not come to read these words; they are only meant for the rest who could derive some benefit from this post).
However, when it happened yesterday, I felt strangely calm and not in the least bit angry. I just accepted the insult nonchalantly and went back to my seat. I did not wish to retaliate and was not in the least bit vengeful. It was as though what just happened was not sufficient to arouse anger in me.
This was a moment of revelation for me. When anger did not arise in me, I felt peaceful. Had I seethed with anger, my day would have been ruined and my mood would have turned dark and bitter. I would likely have set up more akusala kamma by committing bad abhisankhara. Indeed this is one of the ways that beings get trapped deeper and deeper in samsara. They receive bad vipaka, which triggers their gathi to commit even more akusala kamma in anger or retaliation, and reinforces their bad gathi, which further bind them to samsara.
Now I am far from being an Arahant or even an Anagami. In fact, I am not even a Sotapanna and doubt if I could be a Sotapanna Anugami (at least I am confused about the difference between a Sotapanna and a Sotapanna Anugami). I can still feel strong anger when confronted with other matters.
It could be that Lal’s posts have helped me change. After reading about paticca samupadda, anicca, dukkha and anatta, the refuttation of the Buddha about the beliefs of self and non-self, I believe that I have come to adopt a happier and healthier attitude towards life. At least I can strive for meaning in an existence of meaninglessness, by trying to set up the conditions to escape samsara in this life. Thank you so much, Lal, for all your efforts!
When major (or many minor) bad things happen to those of us who believe in kamma, it is all too easy to feel bad about ourselves. We may think that we have done something terrible in past lives to warrant receiving such bad vipaka.
However, we have all probably been kings, politicians, judges, teachers, or parents in past lives who needed to pass harsh judgements and condemnations against those who had committed wrongdoings. This world is full of hidden dukkha, and even the very act of trying to protect the good and instill good moral values in people may mean that various akusala kamma may be committed, together wiith some kusala kamma. After all, we are not fully enlightened Buddhas who do not commit a single iota of akusala kamma after attaining Nirvana. And the remnants of these unfortunate akusala kamma can manifest their vipaka in different ways, when there are suitable conditions in place.
So please never feel guilty about receiving bad vipaka. Instead do use them as lessons to arrive at niramisa sukha, by realizing that we do not have to take them too personally, just like what Aniduan did. And I sincerely hope that I do not receive bad kamma vipaka for posting this,since some of my posts may upset certain readers unintentionally.