Yesterday I broke the fourth precept to avoid embarrassment. Right as I was inhaling to do so I felt a “lightning flash” of guilt/shame due to fully knowing what I was about to do in the very next instant. Interesting how such things are happening more and more often. Now my job need be answer the phone more often than I leave it ringing. :)
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There’s some difference before and after taking morning scripts: less INAG, or at least better able to control them (beforehand it seemed as impossible to stop The Bad Thoughts as it is to stop wind with your hands). It’s very annoying to go through my morning routine while the inside of my head is a killzone, which — while may not be reason #1 but certainly in the top three — why I almost always have music pumping into my ears while going through mindless activities. There are alternatives like listening to desana, though; tomorrow morning I think I’ll try that like I used to listen to lectures by Eckhart Tolle, Joseph Goldstein, Alan Watts, and similar.
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There are many apps that you can set to randomly “text” you throughout the day; I’m using one to send me notifications off four lists: Body, Emotion, Consciousness, Dhammas. The purpose is to “get me out of my head” with basic mindfulness: Body contains messages like “Feel your feet? Your fingertips?” “Where’s your tongue?” “How’s your back?” (chronic back ache here) etc. Emotion: “Anything you can do about that right now?” (if no, I try not to dwell on it at that time) “How do you feel?” “You are going to die.” (impetus drive) and so on. Consciousness (in the Buddhist sense): “Think it will rain?” (brings to mind the feel/sight/smell of the weather) “What’s that over there?” “What’s that smell?” “Think about it.” and with Dhammas I add verses from Dhammapada, pithy sayings from Buddha, summaries of the likes of the Seven Factors of Enlightenment and the Four Supreme Efforts, and the like.
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Odd happening: lately I find myself getting sleepy when I read Dhamma?? I’ll try with other reading to see if it’s not reading itself or just the calming effect of the Buddha’s teachings. Maybe my aforementioned scripts are piling on the drowsiness side effects too harshly? I’ve decided to experiment and try not taking them all in the morning and taking about half at night. Be nice to not need them at all, though… Anyway, if it is the drowsiness, maybe I’m gonna need to play some thunderstorm sounds or something like that when trying to wrap my head around what exactly is a citta and such. (I THINK I get it after reading about 3-4 different explanations… :) )
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I’m having a VERY difficult time going to extremes with the caffeine (at least bending the fifth precept methinks), especially lately with the aforementioned drowsiness side-effects. Maybe I should talk to my doctor.