tilakkha:
Siebe all your habitual obsession with the conditioned, please Siebe, it makes you helpless. Really, what do you expact? Siebe, how can anything conditioned last? How can it function as a safe harbour? Siebe, why? Why are you searching this way? What do you think you can find? What do you expact?
Yes Siebe, your sincere longing for safety, for a refuge, for truthful fearlessness, which is not just an attitude, is oke, but please, my friend, look more carefull, you now met the buddha-dhamma. You see. Your eyes are not completely closed anymore. Use your eyes.
Change your habits. Break the ocd habit to find happiness and refuge in the conditioned. All this craving, see, look at it. What does it provide? What can it provide? See? Do not act as a madman anymore? You have done that so many lives that you are up to this day full of madness.
There is no one in the world who can really help you Siebe. All the promises of the world, all it’s advertising of help, of freedom, of happiness, of health, of wealth, it is just Mara’s way of trowing his web on beings. See?
It only feeds craving but certainly not wisdom. Maybe it is not bad intented (sometimes it is) but in the end it only contributes to helplessness.
Yes, Siebe, one of the best advices of the Buddha is; make an Island to oneself, a refuge of oneself. Dear Siebe live in this spirit. Break with the habit to make yourself helpless. Weaken and end craving for this or that.
Do not invest and take so much trust in the conditioned, you will suffer.
Enter the unconditioned. This is the Path the Budddha showed.
Do not give up.
Siebe to Siebe