Hi Akvan,
Many thanks for sharing your experience. I agree that we ought to put away the type of questions that do not seem to help in our practice and focus on what we can do. I would think those doubtful thoughts that manifest in our minds are our inner Mara at work. I have a colleague who said I think too much when I told her that I am struggling with sensual desires. To me, this internal struggle is a good thing because that is the natural process of mental purification at work! For a person who does not have hiri and ottappa, well…Mara will just smile at that person and continue to have dominion over him.