Thanks, Tobias, for sharing your experience with everyone.
Just a bit of background on Mr. Tobias Große from Heilbad Heiligenstadt, Germany. Of course, I received his permission to reveal his identity.
We have been in contact for over a year. His wife and children are also fully engaged and it is heartwarming to see how much they have advanced. He recently started the German puredhamma.net website: https://puredhamma/de.
He had mentioned to me a bit about his experience a couple of times, but it seems that his desire for solitude is getting stronger.
I have had a similar experience too, but mine has been more gradual. Even though my children are not engaged in Dhamma activities, they are employed and they have been living away from us for several years (college and then employment). My wife has been active (not to the same level as me, since she is still working), and we have been able to make a reasonably good transition to where we are today.
So, Tobias, I am glad that your whole family is engaged. Otherwise, it could be more difficult. But since each individual is different, it is good to keep an eye on how each person is responding to your changes.
There are accounts in the Tipitaka that have described how certain individuals responded upon attaining various levels of magga phala. Some became bhikkhus, but there were many who remained as “householders” and were able to manage “both sides”. I am doing the latter.
In my case, I try to accommodate especially my two children (they are adults now), and try not to let them miss anything that they expect from a father, growing up in the United States. Luckily, they don’t have many demands that could really disturb my “state of mind”. We try to get together whenever possible. My wife and I sold our house and live in an apartment, even though we may buy a small house next year.
I was active in many “worldly things” even before retirement. For example, I had been trading stocks and options for a long time. After retirement, I got into futures trading for a brief time, at which time I also started reading on many subjects. But my growing interest in Buddha Dhamma gradually diminished all those activities over a year or two. When I comprehended Tilakkhana in late 2013/early 2014, I gave up all those, but I kept some trading accounts to manage what I had just with stocks.
By 2016 I had lost desire to “own material things”. It became a struggle to even keep an eye on trading accounts, and I consolidated them and just bought some selected stocks so that I don’t need to monitor them. Nowadays, I look at those accounts couple of times a year, as apart of my obligation to my family.
Now I realize that I have gradually lost contact with many of my friends from old days. Instead now I communicate with many on this forum regularly. It was not intentional and just happened. This is a good illustration for me how people with “same gathi” are attracted to each other, and to activities that they like.
This is also why the statement, “dhammo ha ve rakkati dhammacari” or “Dhamma will guide one in the right direction” is true. I was guided away from worldly activities, and also from people who are still engaged in such activities, etc. None of this was done forcefully. They “just happened” over time. Another thing is that my children have changed too, even without them realizing, and even though they are not really “practicing Buddha Dhamma”. They rarely go to movies even though they live on their own. I notice that they have friends of similar likings. They like to go on hikes and travel rather than going to concerts, movies, etc. I am hoping that they would get more interested in Buddha Dhamma with time.
I did not mean this to get so lengthy. But I hope you can get an idea of what happened in my case. Each person is different and things will happen differently. In fact, Tobias, you seem to be moving at a faster pace than me.
It is also important to note that one could attain the Sotapanna stage without undergoing a drastic change in lifestyle, and then stay like that too. For example, Visaka attained the Sotapanna stage at an early age, and lived the life of a wealthy person. She got married and had 22 children. The Buddha said that she would have eleven more births as a human (remember that could be within even a single bhava). That means she would not attain even the Sakadagami stage during that whole time.
Mahanama was another wealthy person who attained the Sotapanna stage and remained active in his businesses. There are accounts of Anagamis also who chose not to become bhikkhus. On the other hand, there were individuals who could not remain “householders”.
Most life changes happen in the transition from the Sotapanna to Sakadagami stage. Even more drastic changes take place on the way to the Anagami stage. Because one’s mind would get rid of all attachments to the kama loka, i.e., craving/desire for food, sex, etc,). There is no point in forcibly trying to remove desire for sex, for example. That cannot be done anyway. It is only when one realizes that the “Nibbanic bliss” is better than any sense experience, that the mind rejects any such desires. So, it is best if both partners lose the desire for sex over time. Even though it cannot happen at the same time, having the understanding about the state of each other helps a lot.
By the way, “Nibbanic bliss” is not a “vedana” that can be felt. It is the state of the “cooled mind”. It can be compared to the relief one feels when a long-lasting headache finally goes away.
I am a firm believer in “dhammo ha ve rakkati dhammacari” because that has been my experience. If one follows the Path with determination, one will be guided in the right direction so that it will benefit oneself AND those who rely on oneself (family members).