[lodonyo]

When I was going through some spiritual transitions some years back something hit me. “Why is it i am “allowed” to like something like a “cookie” and yet that cookie which is made of such & such ingredients can either be healthy or extremely poisonous. Why is it that I want “cookie” even though it’s poisonous? Also why is it even POSSIBLE to “like” or desire something that is detrimental or poisonous?”

Pondering on this fact, I became very angry, very upset, and god or myself or just in the general disorder of this fact of my existence — and made a very strong commit to fix whatever was wrong with my and the human mind(at the time it was brain) that allowed me to simply do unwise things. This was about 5 years ago now and a precursor to getting into the dhamma. I was doing all kinds of things like meditating in pyramids I had made and online meditations.

Recently I read: https://puredhamma.net/dhamma-and-science/origin-of-life/worldview-of-the-buddha/paticca-samuppada-not-self-or-no-self/iccha-cravings-lead-to-upadana-to-suffering/. At the end it says: ”
“Icchāya bajjhatī loko, “By cravings, one is bound to the world;
icchāvinayāya muccati; By the removal of desire one is freed
Icchāya vippahānena, Craving is what one must give up
sabbaṃ chindati bandhanan’ti. To cut off all bondage.”

In searching for the meaning of icca, which I believe is paramount to my upset in the past, I found this sutta: SN 54.11: Icchānaṅgala Sutta https://suttacentral.net/sn54.11/en/sujato

“Mendicants, if wanderers who follow another path were to ask you: ‘Reverends, what was the ascetic Gotama’s usual meditation during the rainy season residence?’ You should answer them like this. ‘Reverends, the ascetic Gotama’s usual meditation during the rainy season residence was immersion due to MINDFULNESS OF BREATHING.’
In this regard: mindful, I BREATH IN. Mindful, I BREATH OUT.”

Curious, I looked at the pali translation which is:
“Mendicants…evaṃ byākareyyātha: ‘ānāpānassatisamādhinā kho, āvuso, bhagavā vassāvāsaṃ bahulaṃ vihāsī’ti.”

Idhāhaṃ, bhikkhave, sato assasāmi, sato passasāmi.”

WOW, what a translation! Searching for more answers in puredhamma.net I found the below:

“So satōva assasati, satōva passasati” means “He maintains his mind on dhamma that should be taken in (kusala or moral) and those that should be gotten rid of (akusala or immoral)”.(https://puredhamma.net/bhavana-meditation/anapanasati-not-breath-meditation/)

and

pāpassa = pāpa + passa = discard immoral; kualassa = kusala + assa = “take in” moral(https://puredhamma.net/dhammapada/sabba-papassa-akaranam/)

also: ‘sato’ seems to indicate “strong”. “sami” “samu” “sama” etc seem to indicate roots, tranquility, & time.

So few things I need cleared up:
1. Is Lord Buddha, in what seems to be an example of how to rid ourselves of “iccha” saying that in the real anapanasati we are clearing immoral CITTA? and literally taking in/causing to arise MORAL CITTA?

2. I ask because this was during the time of the buddha, meaning when Siddartha wasn’t a bodhisattva but a Buddha. He went into silent retreat DOING ANAPANASATI. Or at least he tells the monks to tell “us” that’s what he’s doing. This confuses me about the nature of icca has I assumed the buddha already gave up all cravings, I mean his consciousness was aware of atoms and below that so I think my understanding of anapanasati as a kind of “moral choices” meditation is a bit off.

3. “For those mendicants who are trainees—who haven’t achieved their heart’s desire, but live aspiring to the supreme sanctuary—the development and cultivation of immersion due to mindfulness of breathing leads to the ending of defilements.” In other words, I/WE REALLY NEED TO KNOW HOW TO DO / PRACTICE THIS CORRECTLY in order to fully realize my aspiration made 5 years ago. At this point i’m unsure if I should motivate all my being to sitting in silence and quieting negative thoughts, witnessing neutral thoughts, and cultivating positive thoughts or if it’s more about living morally in life? Both? I will continue reading and meditating on what the proper anapana/satipathana is. Please help this endeavor.

I plan to go to abhaya thero’s retreat just to maybe learn how, but honestly if I can awaken to what the buddha meant (in my own mind) I don’t need a retreat I will just do everyday with all my energy.

[Lal]

Lodonyo: I am glad that you took the time to do all that research and found the answers by yourself!

Regarding your questions:

“1. Is Lord Buddha, in what seems to be an example of how to rid ourselves of “iccha” saying that in the real anapanasati we are clearing immoral CITTA? and literally taking in/causing to arise MORAL CITTA?”

Exactly right!

2. Yes. The Bodhisatta (before becoming the Buddha) did the WRONG Anapanasati (breath meditation) that learned from two yogis, Alara Kalama and Uddaka Ramaputta.
– He attained the Buddhahood by discovering the CORRECT Anapanasati.

3. “At this point i’m unsure if I should motivate all my being to sitting in silence and quieting negative thoughts, witnessing neutral thoughts, and cultivating positive thoughts or if it’s more about living morally in life? Both? I will continue reading and meditating on what the proper anapana/satipathana is.”

– Yes. That is exactly what needs to be done.

I suggested some posts to PBR under the topic, “mindfulness practice and eye tiredness/pain“.
You may want to read them too. You may have read some of them already.

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