[Damithu]

Hello Lal , (you may have seen my recent reply to Saurabh’s comment, I hope you don’t mind if I restate the contents of that reply with my own post)

I am in a dark place in my life right now, due to the fact that I’ve fallen back into bad habits and patterns. This has been happening for about a month now, and everyday I feel more hopelessness and a feeling that I am not worthy of anything, including studying the Dhamma. I feel ashamed to say this, but I had an argument with my mother (which rarely ever happens), and this past month I have been acting coldly toward both my mother and father, and I feel intense irritation toward them; I know that this is heavy akusala kamma, but sometimes I cannot control myself. They are extremely good at “pressing my buttons”.

Overally, this past month has not been the best one for me. I haven’t visited this website in over a month. I’ve done some akusala kamma, like the instance I stated above, and this makes me feel “dirty”. I have been consumed by kama raga; I feel unworthy to study Dhamma, and I have this belief that I have to overcome these negative habits in order to be clean enough to continue on my path to Sotapanna. But then there is another problem. I have a very little inclination to study the Dhamma, and I’ve lost almost all sense of urgency. Part of me knows that this is a problem, but I can’t bring myself to study the Dhamma,

How do I regain the sense of urgency to study the Dhamma? How do I regain that sense of wonder and reverence to the Dhamma that I once had? Thank you.

[Lal]

Hello Damithu,

A person can go through such stages. Of course, that stops once one attains the Sotapanna stage, after which there is no going back.

• You may want to think about what caused that reversal.
• It could be because you started associating with bad friends. I am just guessing, but that is a strong possibility. The Buddha taught that associating with bad friends and distancing yourself from good friends is a root cause of one’s problems. Your parents and school/Dhamma teachers fall into the latter category. The “Maṅgala Sutta (kp 5)” describing the factors that can lead to one’s progress/benefit starts with that instruction. 
• Since you are back in school, focusing on your studies can also help you get back to your earlier mindset.  

[Author]

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