[Heart’s Release By Love]

Hello, and thank you all (especially bhante Lal) for this hidden gem of a community and desana database!

I come here asking if the following would help me with cooling my mind’s tendency towards wandering (especially on greedy and hateful thoughts) as I’ve a lifetime bad habit of maladaptive daydreaming (like in this thread) and it’s getting out of control lately.

My goal is to work towards disinclining my mind away from the likes of (according to this translation) sensual thought (kāmavitakka), malice (byāpādavitakka), and cruelty (vihiṁsāvitakko), and instead work towards inclining my mind towards thinking the likes of good will (abyāpādavitakko), harmlessness (avihiṁsāvitakko), and renunciation (nekkhammavitakko).

If anyone has suggestions (for me and anyone else with similar goals) for cultivating such skillful thoughts, as well as and similar pursuits in calming a wandering mind –especially stamping out hate and greed from being a distraction throughout my day-to-day life — please share!

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Background info:

For several months I’ve been forging the habit of kammaṭṭhāna as per these instructions (especially point 5: “One should tailor the recitation session to match one’s personality and needs.”). I used to only do a few brief suttas in the morning, but as I’ve collected more and more recitations I’ve split it up across morning, noon, and evening (I don’t always get them all in, though). I’ve even written a few original chants. This document began entirely for helping cultivate metta to cool my more immediately harmful lifelong bad habit of being quick to anger and argument. After many months of this and “off-the-cushion” trying to keep to the five precepts, I’m noticing a slowly growing tendency to wanting to both avoid harmful acts (such as dropping alcohol, mostly replaced coffee with tea to be less dependent on even mild intoxicants, became a vegetarian, and am starting to feel shameful about using online adblockers) and then be more kind, helpful, and gracious even to strangers. Feels good to do and say good!

However, as I’ve gotten generally calmer in regards to being less reactive in irritation, I notice my mind paradoxically becoming more agitated by greed (which often makes me prone to being irritated anyway!), especially craving provocative material (not just porn)! It sounds like what bhante Lal wrote about under 12 in his Five Hindrances instruction is happening:

“If you take a glass of muddy water and add more mud to it, you cannot see much difference. On the other hand, if you take a glass of clean water, you can see the presence of even the tiniest amount of dirt.”

And I’m seeing the presence of a whole lot of dirt I barely (if ever) noticed before. A big example is how uncomfortably my body heats up listening to loud and aggressive music — cheeks and ears get hot, forearms tingle, chest feels tight as my heart hammers and breath quickens… — especially watching music videos with beautiful performers, or even looking at photos of certain singers even if all I see is her face. I barely listen to music anymore (other than ambient tracks and natural soundscapes), because most my old heavy metal and punk rock favorites make me feel this weird and gross “hangover” when I’m done.

On top of recently becoming legitimately worried about the dangers of sensual pleasures being like pits of burning coals — especially after getting vaguely familiar with philosopher Immanuel Kant’s talk on “heteronomy of the soul” (ie: to be moral is to be free, and to be free is to restrain one’s base cravings, so being dependent on the pleasures of the flesh is the trap of heteronomy, as opposed to autonomy, freedom), recalling some of my former Christian teachings (specifically Romans 8:6-13), and how the point of both (after stripping out the theological terms) feel eerily close to the Second Noble Truth.

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I’ve already incorporated asubha bhavana to help with that specific issue as well as with my other big bad lifelong habit of junk food binging and sporadic alcoholism (mostly the hellfire preaching of my new hero Mahātherī Sumedhā), but my mind still wants to go running off most the time. And I’m having difficulty even putting a leash on my brain before it’s hopped over the fence!

So what I’m hoping to do to help with maladaptive daydreaming specifically is add a part of the Dvedhāvitakkasutta [MN 19] to my morning recitations as a self-reminder and then follow its instructions (not just for formal meditation, and certainly not for jhanas, which I have no hope of ever achieving in this life!) throughout my day. Greedy and hateful wandering thoughts are continually vexing me harder as I try to follow the precepts and keep my mind full of metta and contentedness throughout the day.

Almost as if Mara heard what I’m trying, and is throwing snare after snare to tangle me up and keep me hooked. I’m no longer a Christian but I absolutely believe in the devil, whether he is named Lucifer or Kleśamāra.

Also, since I’m incapable of entering a jhana (wouldn’t even know where to begin) I’m not sure how exactly to immerse my mind except with basic samatha whenever I notice myself being carried off by an overactive imagination.

As the following was meant as a personal recitation, I’ve taken “artistic liberties” to suit my preferences and for heavier impact. For example, switching what the above translated as renunciation to contentedness (because that word resonates with me more, and also in my mind being content is to let go of sensual craving, so hopefully the meaning is intact regardless of which exact word I use), adding in bhante Lal’s wise words from 13 here to really hammer the point of all this into myself, and adding lines referencing Lord Buddha’s famous exhortation to his son Rahula on reflecting on your thoughts, speech, and actions. If you can think of anything I can add or remove (and/or something else entirely?) to make it more effective in uprooting unskillful thought and replacing it with the skillful, please share!

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Whatever I think about often and consider deeply, becomes my heart’s inclination.

If I often think about and consider sensuality, I’ve given up contentedness to cultivate sensual thought. My mind then inclines to sensuality.

If I often think about and consider malice, I’ve given up good will to cultivate malicious thought. My mind then inclines to malice.

If I often think about and consider cruelty, I’ve given up the thought of harmlessness to cultivate cruel thought. My mind then inclines to cruelty.

And thus is how I will train:

I will reflect that unskillful thinking will lead to harming myself, afflicting others, hurting both.

I will reflect that unskillful thinking blocks wisdom and compassion, is on the side of distress, and always drags me away from the heart’s release.

I will see that unskillful inclinations give rise to painful results.

I will watch my thoughts, as they become my words.<br />
I will watch my words, as they become my deeds.<br />
I will watch my deeds, as they become my habits.<br />
I will watch my habits, as they become my character.<br />
I will watch my character, as it becomes my destination by strengthening the fetters.

That is how I will train.

Whatever I think about often and consider deeply, becomes my heart’s inclination.

If I often think about and consider contentedness, I’ve given up sensuality to cultivate contented thought. My mind then inclines to being content.

If I often think about and consider good will, I’ve given up malice to cultivate thoughts of good will. My mind then inclines to good will.

If I often think about and consider harmlessness, I’ve given up cruelty to cultivate thoughts of harmlessness. My mind then inclines to harmlessness.

And thus is how I will train:

I will reflect that skillful thinking leads to my happiness, the joy of others, the ease and peace of both.

I will reflect that skillful thinking nourishes wisdom and compassion, is on the side of immersion, and will lead me towards the freedom of peace.

I will see that skillful inclinations have the cleansing power of renunciation and result in the creation of worldly merit.

If I were to keep on thinking and considering skillful thoughts all night, all day, all night and day, I can rest assured no danger would come from that.

Still, thinking and considering for too long would tire my body. And when the body is tired, the mind is stressed. And when the mind is stressed, it’s far from immersion.

So when need be, I will unify, settle, and immerse my mind in the strength of stillness.

Why is that? So that my mind will not be stressed. And when my mind is on the side of peace, it will lead me towards the heart’s release.

That is how I will train.

Sādhu!<br /><br /><br /><br />
Sādhu!<br /><br /><br /><br />
Sādhu!

O Vāsava!

• This topic was modified 2 hours ago by Heart's Release By Love. Reason: Some formatting errors
• This topic was modified 2 hours ago by Heart's Release By Love. Reason: Formatting errors

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