[Heart’s Release By Love]

Hello, and thank you all (especially bhante Lal) for this hidden gem of a community and desana database!

I come here asking if the following would help me with cooling my mind’s tendency towards wandering (especially on greedy and hateful thoughts) as I’ve a lifetime bad habit of maladaptive daydreaming (like in this thread) and it’s getting out of control lately.

My goal is to work towards disinclining my mind away from the likes of (according to this translation) sensual thought (kāmavitakka), malice (byāpādavitakka), and cruelty (vihiṁsāvitakko), and instead work towards inclining my mind towards thinking the likes of good will (abyāpādavitakko), harmlessness (avihiṁsāvitakko), and renunciation (nekkhammavitakko).

If anyone has suggestions (for me and anyone else with similar goals) for cultivating such skillful thoughts, as well as and similar pursuits in calming a wandering mind –especially stamping out hate and greed from being a distraction throughout my day-to-day life — please share!

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Background info:

For several months I’ve been forging the habit of kammaṭṭhāna as per these instructions (especially point 5: “One should tailor the recitation session to match one’s personality and needs.”). I used to only do a few brief suttas in the morning, but as I’ve collected more and more recitations I’ve split it up across morning, noon, and evening (I don’t always get them all in, though). I’ve even written a few original chants. This document began entirely for helping cultivate metta to cool my more immediately harmful lifelong bad habit of being quick to anger and argument. After many months of this and “off-the-cushion” trying to keep to the five precepts, I’m noticing a slowly growing tendency to wanting to both avoid harmful acts (such as dropping alcohol, mostly replaced coffee with tea to be less dependent on even mild intoxicants, became a vegetarian, and am starting to feel shameful about using online adblockers) and then be more kind, helpful, and gracious even to strangers. Feels good to do and say good!

However, as I’ve gotten generally calmer in regards to being less reactive in irritation, I notice my mind paradoxically becoming more agitated by greed (which often makes me prone to being irritated anyway!), especially craving provocative material (not just porn)! It sounds like what bhante Lal wrote about under 12 in his Five Hindrances instruction is happening:

“If you take a glass of muddy water and add more mud to it, you cannot see much difference. On the other hand, if you take a glass of clean water, you can see the presence of even the tiniest amount of dirt.”

And I’m seeing the presence of a whole lot of dirt I barely (if ever) noticed before. A big example is how uncomfortably my body heats up listening to loud and aggressive music — cheeks and ears get hot, forearms tingle, chest feels tight as my heart hammers and breath quickens… — especially watching music videos with beautiful performers, or even looking at photos of certain singers even if all I see is her face. I barely listen to music anymore (other than ambient tracks and natural soundscapes), because most my old heavy metal and punk rock favorites make me feel this weird and gross “hangover” when I’m done.

On top of recently becoming legitimately worried about the dangers of sensual pleasures being like pits of burning coals — especially after getting vaguely familiar with philosopher Immanuel Kant’s talk on “heteronomy of the soul” (ie: to be moral is to be free, and to be free is to restrain one’s base cravings, so being dependent on the pleasures of the flesh is the trap of heteronomy, as opposed to autonomy, freedom), recalling some of my former Christian teachings (specifically Romans 8:6-13), and how the point of both (after stripping out the theological terms) feel eerily close to the Second Noble Truth.

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I’ve already incorporated asubha bhavana to help with that specific issue as well as with my other big bad lifelong habit of junk food binging and sporadic alcoholism (mostly the hellfire preaching of my new hero Mahātherī Sumedhā), but my mind still wants to go running off most the time. And I’m having difficulty even putting a leash on my brain before it’s hopped over the fence!

So what I’m hoping to do to help with maladaptive daydreaming specifically is add a part of the Dvedhāvitakkasutta [MN 19] to my morning recitations as a self-reminder and then follow its instructions (not just for formal meditation, and certainly not for jhanas, which I have no hope of ever achieving in this life!) throughout my day. Greedy and hateful wandering thoughts are continually vexing me harder as I try to follow the precepts and keep my mind full of metta and contentedness throughout the day.

Almost as if Mara heard what I’m trying, and is throwing snare after snare to tangle me up and keep me hooked. I’m no longer a Christian but I absolutely believe in the devil, whether he is named Lucifer or Kleśamāra.

Also, since I’m incapable of entering a jhana (wouldn’t even know where to begin) I’m not sure how exactly to immerse my mind except with basic samatha whenever I notice myself being carried off by an overactive imagination.

As the following was meant as a personal recitation, I’ve taken “artistic liberties” to suit my preferences and for heavier impact. For example, switching what the above translated as renunciation to contentedness (because that word resonates with me more, and also in my mind being content is to let go of sensual craving, so hopefully the meaning is intact regardless of which exact word I use), adding in bhante Lal’s wise words from 13 here to really hammer the point of all this into myself, and adding lines referencing Lord Buddha’s famous exhortation to his son Rahula on reflecting on your thoughts, speech, and actions. If you can think of anything I can add or remove (and/or something else entirely?) to make it more effective in uprooting unskillful thought and replacing it with the skillful, please share!

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Whatever I think about often and consider deeply, becomes my heart’s inclination.

If I often think about and consider sensuality, I’ve given up contentedness to cultivate sensual thought. My mind then inclines to sensuality.

If I often think about and consider malice, I’ve given up good will to cultivate malicious thought. My mind then inclines to malice.

If I often think about and consider cruelty, I’ve given up the thought of harmlessness to cultivate cruel thought. My mind then inclines to cruelty.

And thus is how I will train:

I will reflect that unskillful thinking will lead to harming myself, afflicting others, hurting both.

I will reflect that unskillful thinking blocks wisdom and compassion, is on the side of distress, and always drags me away from the heart’s release.

I will see that unskillful inclinations give rise to painful results.

I will watch my thoughts, as they become my words.
I will watch my words, as they become my deeds.
I will watch my deeds, as they become my habits.
I will watch my habits, as they become my character.
I will watch my character, as it becomes my destination by strengthening the fetters.

That is how I will train.

Whatever I think about often and consider deeply, becomes my heart’s inclination.

If I often think about and consider contentedness, I’ve given up sensuality to cultivate contented thought. My mind then inclines to being content.

If I often think about and consider good will, I’ve given up malice to cultivate thoughts of good will. My mind then inclines to good will.

If I often think about and consider harmlessness, I’ve given up cruelty to cultivate thoughts of harmlessness. My mind then inclines to harmlessness.

And thus is how I will train:

I will reflect that skillful thinking leads to my happiness, the joy of others, the ease and peace of both.

I will reflect that skillful thinking nourishes wisdom and compassion, is on the side of immersion, and will lead me towards the freedom of peace.

I will see that skillful inclinations have the cleansing power of renunciation and result in the creation of worldly merit.

If I were to keep on thinking and considering skillful thoughts all night, all day, all night and day, I can rest assured no danger would come from that.

Still, thinking and considering for too long would tire my body. And when the body is tired, the mind is stressed. And when the mind is stressed, it’s far from immersion.

So when need be, I will unify, settle, and immerse my mind in the strength of stillness.

Why is that? So that my mind will not be stressed. And when my mind is on the side of peace, it will lead me towards the heart’s release.

That is how I will train.

Sādhu!
Sādhu!
Sādhu!

Born in a dark class, seeking brighter results.

• This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by Heart's Release By Love. Reason: Some formatting errors
• This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by Heart's Release By Love. Reason: Formatting errors
• This topic was modified 2 weeks ago by Lal.

[Lal]

Thank you for sharing your experience and insights.

You wrote: 

“I will watch my thoughts, as they become my words.

I will watch my words, as they become my deeds.

I will watch my deeds, as they become my habits.

I will watch my habits, as they become my character.

I will watch my character, as it becomes my destination by strengthening the fetters.

That is how I will train.”

That is an excellent plan. Maybe the last one should be revised as “I will watch my character, as it becomes my destination by weakening the fetters (anusaya/samyojana that give rise to a defiled mind).”

The following could be helpful:

The mind of any average person (puthujjana) in our human world (in ‘kama loka‘) works in a three-stage process when it receives sensory input.

1. Upon receiving sensory input, the mind moves to the ‘kama loka‘ based only on the fact that it still has the ‘kama raga anusaya‘ (same as ‘kama raga samyojana‘) intact. They represent the samsaric (or sansaric) bond to the ‘kama loka.’ This stops only after one attains the Anagami stage of Nibbana.

• With this step, the mind moves to the ‘purana kamma‘ stage.
• Here, ‘purana kamma‘ means ‘initial kamma‘ accumulation. The very early and weak kamma accumulation is with ‘sankappa‘ which are a weak form of sankhara.

2. The next level of ‘kamma accumulation’ (still in the ‘purana kamma‘ stage) depends on the specific sensory input and also on one’s gati (character/habits) at that moment. One’s gati can change even from moment to moment. For example, when one consumes alcohol or drugs, one’s character will change. 

• Based on the specific sensory input and one’s gati at that moment, one’s mind begins to accumulate slightly stronger kamma.
• That second stage of kamma accumulation (still in the ‘purana kamma‘ stage) is with ‘sara sankappa‘, a slightly stronger form of sankhara.

Kamma accumulation in stages 1 and 2 happens within a fraction of a second, and we are not even aware of it. Only a Buddha can discover that extremely fast process.

3. If the mind firmly attaches to that sensory input, it reaches the ‘tanha paccaya upadana‘ step in Paticca Samuppada. This is stage 3. With that, the mind enters the ‘nava kamma‘ stage.

• A Paticca Samuppada process starts with “avijja paccaya sankhara‘ and goes through several steps before reaching that ‘tanha paccaya upadana‘ step. It should be clear that those steps happen in the #1 and #2 stages (while in the ‘purana kamma‘ stage) discussed above. 
• Stage 3 is where we consciously accumulate strong kamma through body, speech, and mind; these are kaya, vaci, and mano kamma, and the strongest sankhara are generated here.
• Once we become aware of kamma accumulation in this stage, we can wilfully control it. This is the ‘nava kamma‘ (or ‘new kamma‘) accumulation stage where strong kammic energies that can bring vipaka into even future lives are generated.

All sensory inputs force the mind into the ‘purana kamma‘ stage; this is triggered by one of several types of ‘kama saññā’, and it is a deeper aspect to study. Only some of them will proceed to the ‘nava kamma‘ stage, based on the strength of the ‘attachment.’

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That provides a basic outline.

• As we can see, we do not have direct control over the first two sub-stages within the ‘purana kamma‘ stage. However, the Buddha taught how we can do that by fully understanding the details of those two early sub-stages in the ‘purana kamma‘ stage.
• First, we try our best to cultivate ‘good gati‘ and abstain from ‘bad gati.’ See “The Law of Attraction, Habits, Character (Gati), and Cravings (Āsavas)“ and “Habits, Goals, and Character (Gati)“
• To stop the very first stage in #1 above, the ‘kama raga anusaya‘ (same as ‘kama raga samyojana‘) can only be eliminated at the Anagami stage of Nibbana.  
• Before that, one must attain the Sotapanna stage by studying the Buddha’s teachings more deeply and cultivating wisdom (paññā).

So, it is a good idea to read those two posts above. More related posts are in “Moral Living and Fundamentals.”

• Also, it is a good idea to start learning Paticca Samuppada. Those last steps mentioned above for attaining the Sotapanna and Anagami stages depend on that.
• See “Paṭicca Samuppāda.” Some posts there need revision. But the ones listed at the top are likely recent or recently revised.

One main point is that we can get considerable relief by changing our gati (pronounced ‘gathi’).

• However, the only permanent solution is to attain the Sotapanna stage. Once that is attained, the subsequent steps (including the Anagami stage) can be attained without the help of others.

Your comments indicate your determination to make progress. Be patient and start learning systematically. I hope the overview above helps in some way. 

P.S. By the way, don’t worry about the popping up of <br> in the text. Those are hard to edit out, but I can do that easily.

• This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Lal.

1 user thanked author for this post.

Heart's Release By Love

[Heart’s Release By Love]

Thank you VERY MUCH for your overview! I’ve read many pages of Pure Dhamma over the years, and I’m doing my best to understand (trying to comprehend deeper than mere book-knowledge, though I suppose we all have to begin somewhere) what I’m reading, and your summary is yet another excellent addition of clarification.

And I like your idea of rewriting the above to “weakening the fetters”, as that by coincidence matches up to my very first kammaṭṭhāna. That one ended up becoming a mashup of Mettāsutta [AN 8.1], another Mettāsutta [AN 11.15], and Mettābhāvanāsutta [Iti 27]. I spent countless hours, little by little, cross-referencing multiple English translators and looking up definitions of the original Pali (hoping to understand what terms like “heart’s release by love” and “mind liberated by metta” really meant) and putting my own little spins on certain phrases and words with a thesaurus in my other hand because I find amateur attempts at storytelling and poetry (or maybe just overthinking) fun. But I digress.

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I admit I’m having difficulty wrapping my head around Paticca Samuppada. And as well, phrases like “the mind moves to the ‘kama loka‘” sounds like it’d take me a whole mental paradigm shift to comprehend! It sounds similar to I read (I forget exactly where) that when one enters a jhana their mind somehow “becomes” the mind of a brahma during that jhana. This is a subject which is clearly way over my head right now, as I still have a simplistic ‘sci-fi/fantasy fiction’ concept (“spirit worlds” … “dimensional planes” …) I need to uproot and discard somehow. However, what I vaguely (VERY vaguely) understand of PS and related, from your above summary and dozens of pages I’ve studied (often many times each) over the years — at least, I hope I kinda-sorta get it, please correct all misunderstandings:

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No one — though for arahants, if I recall correctly, they don’t have any samyojana left with which to attach at all! — has any hope of stopping a “vicious circle” of Paticca Samuppada after it begins. A cycle of which initiates within a nanosecond, or some other absurdly tiny timeframe only a Buddha has the sharpness of wisdom to perceive. And we are attached (tanha) multiple times across many steps based on one’s gati and samyojana at those tiny timeframes within one’s “subconscious”, though calling it that is probably a gross oversimplification!

But it’s at the vaci sankara stage where one begins to “talk to themselves inside their own head” in response to an initial sensory input (I believe the strength of one’s response, and their conscious thinking springboarding from that, depends on the javana cittā involved and/or initiated?) — which is based on one’s built-in misinterpretation of reality anyway via disorted sanna (both you and bhante Waharaka Thero have done excellent jobs elaborating this and many other complicated points!), the implications thereof making committing foul acts and their consequences all the more tragic.

Is this right? I tried but couldn’t find your two or more flowcharts detailing all the steps between “sensory input” (aramanna, was it?) to “the whole mass of suffering” if one doesn’t maintain what is conventionally termed “mindfulness” — though I’m trying to move away from terms I picked up along the way, especially from my introduction to the Teaching which, like with most of us westerners especially ones with strong interest in Japanese entertainment, was “pop culture” Zen.

But if what I think I get is at least vaguely correct, it seems like the step of vaci sankhara is where it’s most critical to “watch your thoughts…” So it’s at vaci sankhara where, say, one should throw up “road blocks” against the likes of malicious meanderings by redirecting one’s mind towards thoughts of good will (same tactic against greedy thoughts, like recalling how bad I feel when wound up by lust, and how good it feels to not be inundated by sense-pleasures). And to do such things ASAP, before it’s too late and damage is done, even if that damage is continuing to build up malice little by little until I’m wound up and ready to spit wordy warfare at the next guy who looks at me sideways (guilty…).

That is, until my habits, then character, slowly increase its “natural” inclination towards good will (or renunciation/contentedness), which should help me feel calmer and want to help and be kind (or satisfied with what I have without needing “more” or that I’m “missing out” on shiny toys or whatever) in general. I admit I’m already noticing such changes most the time, how good it feels to do kind things and help others out in general, how bad it feels to do such things as insult anyone when for most of my life I was perfectly fine with being nasty and spiteful if I could justify it to myself, and how I’m far less urged to bodybuild for looks and pride (I’m much more concerned with cardiovascular exercise now, as one’s heart is the most important muscle for bodily health and longevity!).

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But so long as I’ve yet to reach even the “junior stream-winner” stage I’ll remain trapped even by neutral inputs (already contaminated!). But until then I need to keep working on where I am, no skipping grades! And where I am seems to be — which is where I’m feeling like I’m somewhat plateau’ing, to borrow gym lingo for when one’s progress in increasing the weights on a barbell has stalled — is something like,

“I have plenty of ‘book-knowledge’ of what I need to do and why, and I’ve been feeling many subtle but positive changes within after already after barely half a year even if I only vaguely understand what’s going on. These subtle changes are very encouraging, they indicate I’m headed the right way and make me want to keep going to see what more is around the corner. But I’ve been struggling lately with ideas and annoyances I never noticed before, like the aforementioned “uncomfortable heat-up” when listening to loud and fast music (especially with female singers) despite craving sensory extremes of many kinds since my earliest teens! And so I’m trying to double-down on getting my mind to chill out (especially my tendency to have a VERY loud and chaotic mind, I used to get drunk to help quiet the noise from the back of my head!) so I can continue with my studies and practices — like trying to retain what I’ve heard from hours of speeches on Tilakkhana on this YouTube channel full of bhante Waharaka’s recordings.” (Man, do I need to start learning Pali and Sinhala sooner rather than later!)

Hopefully I’ve got the basic knowledge right, and on the way towards putting it to practice! Though I admit I may be jumping the gun trying to study the likes of Tilakkhana yet, and should probably focus on cultivating metta, karuna, and so on for the time being so my mind is not continually bedeviled by malice and sensuality. Though I admit of what little I think I might get, the implications are beginning to deeply unsettle me: that all is vexatious and cannot be kept to our liking or kept at all (not even our bodies or minds), not understanding this leads to drinking poison after poison (“eating the world” through all our senses, as bhante Waharaka so colorfully put it) in vain struggles to be happy, leading us to become helpless so long as we’re bound by birth and death — which happens by defiling ourselves with the poisonous but addictive world; perhaps something like this is what is meant by “the mind moves to the ‘kama loka‘”?

Thank you again! And yeah, I was surprised by the HTML for line breaks that I’ve barely seen since when I enjoyed basic webpage editing in the early to mid-00’s. So it was bugging me that I couldn’t seem to get rid of them. The Web is so different now, thank you for your up-to-date knowledge on modern coding!

Born in a dark class, seeking brighter results.

[Lal]

I am glad that you asked about the ‘kama loka.’ Those of us who are familiar with Buddha’s teachings and with the Pali language take such words for granted. So, let me explain what it means.

1. The Buddha explained a ‘wider world’ with 31 realms of existence. We can ‘see’ only two of those: the human realm and the animal realm.

• It makes it easier to understand the rebirth process when one is aware of the 31 realms. One does not necessarily need to believe in 31 realms until one understands how it fits with the details of kamma, kamma vipaka, Paticca Samuppada, etc. It is a comprehensive description of the world. The Pali word for ‘world’ is ‘loka.’ 

3. Those 31 realms are in three main sub-loka: kama loka, rupa loka, and arupa loka.

• Those living beings in ‘kama loka‘ have six senses in general: eyes, ears, tongue, nose, physical body with skin that can feel touch, and the mind. There are 11 realms in ‘kama loka.’ The four lowest realms (‘apāyās‘), where there is much suffering, are animal, peta (hungry ghosts), niraya, and asura. It also has six Deva realms, where Devās with subtle bodies live with much less suffering than even the human realm. The human realm is below those Deva realms and has mixed levels of suffering. Don’t worry about those other 9 realms in kama loka (other than the human and animal realms) the beginning.
• The ‘rupa loka‘ is better than the ‘kama loka‘ in the sense that ‘suffering is less.’ There are sixteen Brahma realms in rupa loka. They don’t even have subtle physical bodies like the Devās in kama loka. Thus, they don’t experience taste, smell, or touch. We cannot see Brahmās or even Devās even if they come near us, because of their ‘subtle, fine bodies.’ However, Rupa Loka Brahmās can see, hear, and think without having a physical body or a brain. They only have a microscopic body. 
• The Arupa Loka Brahmās live in four realms. They have only a mind and can only think.
• It is enough to get that general idea without getting into details in the beginning. 

2. A main point is that the mind is in a ‘dormant state’ until sensory input comes in. That state is called the ‘natural bhavanga state.’ Here, one is not experiencing any ‘thoughts.’ For example, when we are in deep sleep, our minds are in that state. 

• Our thoughts start coming in when we wake up in the morning. If one awoke to an alarm sound, that sensory input was the alarm sound. When we drink coffee, the ‘taste sensory faculty’ starts, and so on.
• The Buddha explained that the mind is the fastest entity in the world. It can process sensory inputs coming through all five ‘physical senses’ very quickly. That is why we feel that we can see, hear, and taste popcorn simultaneously while we watch a movie. 

3. Another important point is the following. Any mind starts at a ‘dhātu‘ stage. That state is an undefiled mind with only seven ‘mental factors’ or ‘cetasika‘. Think of ‘cetasika‘ as components of the mind. Any mind starts with those seven ‘universal cetasika ‘. One of those seven is saññā (perception). See “Cetasika (Mental Factors).”

• Depending on the specific realm, that dhātu stage comes with a ‘distorted saññā ‘. For example, when we taste food, the mind starts with those seven cetasika, but the saññā is ‘rasa saññā’. The mind adds that perception of ‘rasa‘ or ‘taste.’ That ‘taste’ is not a defilement because a defilement must have rāga, dosa, or moha/avijjā. 
• However, that perception of rasa, or taste, will trigger avijjā in the mind of anyone who does not understand how the mind works this way. 
• Then that ‘taste’ can trigger other mental factors, like lobha (greed), to appear in the mind. That is the very basic way a mind starts to become contaminated or defiled. 

4. As you can see, since the Brahmās in rupa or arupa loka cannot taste, smell, or touch, there are fewer ways their minds can be contaminated.   

• In other words, there are fewer types of ‘sensory attractions’ in the higher realms. That is why there is less suffering in them.

5. I will try to write a post expanding on those ideas/concepts. But I hope the above could be helpful.

• This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Lal.

1 user thanked author for this post.

Heart's Release By Love

[Heart’s Release By Love]

Thank you again very much for your further clarifications! Especially on how the mind fast the mind moves and how tricky the senses really are.

That there are 29 realms entirely out of reach of most human sense-inputs, upon examination, doesn’t seem far-fetched. Even during my religion-rejecting, materialism-absolutist years, it made sense that there’s way more to the world than meets my eye (ear, nose…). After all, it’s humbling to think of how little we perceive and can imagine of what else has already been evidenced to be “out there”: ultra-violet, infrared, sub-sonic vibrations, electro-magnetism, trying to imagine the world of smells known to dogs and sharks… Not to mention the ideas that what we percieve as “solid” is almost entirely empty space, the “coincidental” arrangement of galactic clusters closely mirroring the microscopic world of our brain matter, and so on. And then to contemplate even a little that every perception is not what’s really “out there”, distorted before any input makes it to the first step so to speak. Not to mention that, for example, it takes what we believe to be a sound a relatively long time to reach our ears after traveling through so much “warping” in the air and such as walls anyway, and then there are thought experiments like the famous Boltzmann Brain… but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms!

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Scientific discoveries and hypotheticals aside, I absolutely believe in the likes of what westerners usually call ghosts and demons — even as far back as my atheist adolescence! That’s because (I don’t know why) I have repeatedly experienced chilling and seemingly inexplicable events. Such events could have been auditory-visual hallucinations (sleep paralysis? a touch of undiagnosed schizophrenia?), or that I at least personally encountered the likes of gandhabba several times throughout my life. Others in my family, too, have many personal “paranormal” stories. Like when my ‘psychically-sensitive’ mother had a near-death experience mid-surgery where she “saw herself from above the operating table”, “rose up towards a ‘white light’ meeting her dead grandparents”, and such; and that time my brother saw what looked like a walking corpse in his closet with glowing red eyes and shining fangs that nearly 30 years later my sister’s husband was woken up by an entity (I think he ran out of bed screaming) and from his description this entity exactly matched what my brother saw as a child, in that same bedroom.

Reading your descriptions of manomaya kaya often elicits lightbulb moments: “That was a gandhabba. What I (and my family) saw, and heard, were gandhabbas, or maybe petas or yakkhas. I’m convinced there is no other rational explanation.” I’m considering writing to another thread, detailing several such terrifying events throughout my life for your and others’ examination, contemplation, and perhaps sharing their own experiences if they wish. While I’m sure only a Buddha could definitively confirm or deny such happenings, personal accounts of such experiences may help others accept the existence of “otherworldly beings” across the 31 realms. I’m not so fortunate to avoid personally witnessing such beings (?) in this life, but maybe my horror can be somebody’s hope someday?

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Other than yet more navel-gazing and info-dumping on my part (sorry, bad habit), I’m unsure how to respond elsewise, but to be gracious for your continued gifts of Dhamma for us all to learn and take great time to consider! My personal notes document of posts, pages, conversation snippets, and my own “diary entries” has reached over 450 pages and counting (to be exact: 31,853 words across 198,359 characters). But I realize I’m much more inclined to thinking than doing, so I’m trying to really put what I’ve learned into practice these days — much more than what I’ve mostly done so far with the likes of philosophy and general spirituality: as “brain-candy”.

But with all I’m cramming into my head from Noble Friend after Noble Friend, on top of personal experiences related to such knowledge that I’ve personally verified, I hope I too one day may be able to share such gifts! But for now I am gladdened by the likes of food pantry donations or going out of my way to make a shelf-stocker or cashier “feel seen”. Such actions and urges for most my life I gave even a first thought! But with learning Dhamma from here and elsewhere I feel a strange compulsion to be kind, to apologize even for long past wrongs and reconnect with old friends with whom I’d long burnt our bridges, and the like.

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I don’t say any of this to brag, but to share how well the Dhamma has helped me, how much hope it’s given me unlike anything else, and in turn is helping me help others in even the littlest ways (so far?). And to attempt to give back even a sixteenth-part of the thanks for you and all Noble Friends for this flickering candle I find myself holding that I one day hope to light for others.

Born in a dark class, seeking brighter results.

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